Sacrifices

It is amazing what one will do when things get tough. The sacrifices they make or evaluate what is truly important to them. I have been doing this for about a week now. Going through my life and my priorities with a fine tooth comb and I will tell you that it has been extremely exhausting.

I have come to many conclusions about my current situation and with some other foreseeable not so encouraged situations I will also have to deal with I have had to come up with some pretty tough choices. I have offended others because of them as well. My first goal was to not have to give up school. My priority is my daughter and school. I will do what it takes to have both. Since being denied state help and not getting any other help from those who should be stepping up I have had to figure out how I can still attend school and have someone watch my daughter.

Among the sacrifices I have decided is to cancel my internet services. Those who know me, and it is shown on here as I am typing this at midnight, that I am very much dependent upon the internet. I hate to use that word, actually, I can work around it. I have in the past. I guess I would say I use the internet to it's fullest capacity. I love being connected to people, information and services. I will have access while I am at school so I wont be completely lost without it. It just will prove more challenging. It will indeed take some adjusting to get used too but as I told my mom, school is more important than having the internet at home. It's just one of those sacrifices I have to make and it will be very much worth it.

I am not writing this to get kudos or praises. I am not expressing to be "look how awesome I am." I just am expressing to the world that basically, we do what we can in life to survive and make it in this world. I am survivor. I don't expect the world or anyone to hand me anything and everything. I will do what it takes to get where I need to in life to provide a good life for me and my daughter. I am accepting I am alone in this matter. The choices I've made have made it so but that doesn't mean I am going to expect anything to be handed to me. I was hoping the state could be resource to help me. I need help. I need some help but I can't expect help if I am not willing to do what I can first. I can't take and not give.

It sucks. I am angry. I am depressed. I am hurt. I am confused. I am frustrated. I am lost. But that doesn't mean I am going to give up no matter how much I think I want to or feel like I am going to.