Today I had to dig through my old clothes and pull out my size 22 pants. My size 18's were just a little too tight for comfort. Even then the 22's are a little snug.
Now, being already a big girl and being pregnant is tricky. I am definitely rounding out in my belly area and I definitely can tell I am getting bigger. But to the untrained eye, i.e. everyone else, I just look... well fat. It is funny when someone else new finds out I am pregnant, it's always "wow you're pregnant?" You can almost see a look in their eye that states "I just thought you were fat!"
I am not judging anyone, I would think the same thing too! But it is quite tricky when you are big girl and pregnant. I am going to make a trip to the store soon and see if I can't find any maternity clothes to make myself look more pregnant than I am. Maybe that will help the untrained eye and help me feel better about myself.
Before I got pregnant I was loosing weight and inches. It was awesome, I was jogging a lot and eating very healthy. From July to the end of August I had dropped from 280 to 240, a size 22 to a size 16. It was incredible and I felt great. (Probably why I got pregnant!) So naturally having to pull out my size 22 pants this morning in a round about way depressed me. I thought I would be immune to the whole weight gain issue considering I've been a big girl my whole life but knowing I was on my way to loosing weight before the pregnancy and back to where I was in July was the depressing part.
A friend was reading a website yesterday and it mentioned that getting someone a gym membership or any thing of the sort after the baby was born was a big no-no. Here's to let you know, if anyone feels inclined to get me a gym membership for a gift anytime... I welcome it! It will not offend me in anyway! In fact if there is some way to put "Gym Membership" on the Target or Walmart registry I will definitely add it!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Nap Time. PLEASE!
I used to hate naps. In fact, I would loathe them. Not just as a little kid but as an adult too. I would take a nap and it would just make me sleepier, have a headache and cranky.
Well, that has changed.
I really enjoyed Christmas with my family. It was great to see all my cousins along with Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sister-in-laws, nieces and nephews. Oh, and my parents of course! The food was tasty, the games were fun, and company was enjoyable. But what was great, to be honest, was the two awesome naps I got to take. I thought I should stay awake and mingle as much as possible. On Christmas everyone went to my Aunt and Uncles house for the afternoon before dinner but I decided to stay behind and take a nap. I slept for almost three hours before I was summoned for dinner. (Later I was told my Aunt said to let me sleep because I am pregnant, how sweet!) But, I felt I was being anti-social.
The next day was Sunday, my Dad's birthday, I hit a point and I said out loud "I am trying to fight sleep." My sister-in-law, bless her heart, said "why fight it? If you need to sleep, go sleep." She's gone through four pregnancies so I thought to myself, "she probably knows what she is talking about!" Off to my parents' amazing comfortable bed I went and fell asleep almost instantly for another nice long 2 hour nap. (Despite the silly interruptions by my other brother and his wife tickling my feet.)
But I realized something over the weekend that I do hit a point where I get cranky and lethargic. Have an inability to concentrate or care about what needs to be done or what I am doing. And it's getting worse. There was a time I could go for hours and do physical things on only 4 hours of sleep. Nap time was nice at the beginning but now it is becoming a necessity! It makes me wonder what to do about my odd work hours or when I have a 12 hour school day. Sleep in class or on my lunch break perhaps? We will see. But I do know what sleep I do get will definitely be cherished and welcomed.
Well, that has changed.
I really enjoyed Christmas with my family. It was great to see all my cousins along with Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sister-in-laws, nieces and nephews. Oh, and my parents of course! The food was tasty, the games were fun, and company was enjoyable. But what was great, to be honest, was the two awesome naps I got to take. I thought I should stay awake and mingle as much as possible. On Christmas everyone went to my Aunt and Uncles house for the afternoon before dinner but I decided to stay behind and take a nap. I slept for almost three hours before I was summoned for dinner. (Later I was told my Aunt said to let me sleep because I am pregnant, how sweet!) But, I felt I was being anti-social.
The next day was Sunday, my Dad's birthday, I hit a point and I said out loud "I am trying to fight sleep." My sister-in-law, bless her heart, said "why fight it? If you need to sleep, go sleep." She's gone through four pregnancies so I thought to myself, "she probably knows what she is talking about!" Off to my parents' amazing comfortable bed I went and fell asleep almost instantly for another nice long 2 hour nap. (Despite the silly interruptions by my other brother and his wife tickling my feet.)
But I realized something over the weekend that I do hit a point where I get cranky and lethargic. Have an inability to concentrate or care about what needs to be done or what I am doing. And it's getting worse. There was a time I could go for hours and do physical things on only 4 hours of sleep. Nap time was nice at the beginning but now it is becoming a necessity! It makes me wonder what to do about my odd work hours or when I have a 12 hour school day. Sleep in class or on my lunch break perhaps? We will see. But I do know what sleep I do get will definitely be cherished and welcomed.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Bit of a backstory explaining...
When people ask me how far a long I am I always respond in weeks, they then want me to interpret how many months that is. I just stare at them. Months? Really? Um... yeah I don't think of this as months, I just try and make it from week to week! But, I do the math and state the months and some odd weeks. Then the next question oddly, even to those who somewhat know me, ask me if this is my first.
I never know how to respond to that.
It's always this hesitant "technically yes but then technically no." Then they look at me funny. Who knows what they are thinking so without going into a long complicated back story I simply say "I was a foster parent to little ones once before."
And then I get another stare with a question "wait, how old are you?" And I sigh and respond "Yes, I am 26, I know I turned 18 and stopped growing."
But, I think even those close to me forget that I was once before a mom to a newborn infant, twice in fact, and I was a parent to a 3 year old little boy. And those were amazing days. They certainly prepared me for motherhood a second time around for sure. Someone stated once they wish they could have a trial run before they have kids, I jokingly said "be a Foster Parent! Not only are you helping the children but you are learning yourself!"
I was half way serious.
I miss those little boys ever so much. Especially one in particular which most of us know who. I suppose I think back on it now and see that we both gave each other something amazing. He prepared me to be a Mom to this soul that I am bearing. He taught me patience and unconditional love. He showed me I had the ability to snuggle and take care of someone else. He helped me be understanding with other with children. I am prepared to know what my life will be like. I honestly would be a bazillion times more scared than I already am if I was not able to care for that little infant from three days old to 13 months. It is also crazy to think about that he will be 3 years old here in a few weeks.
So I guess to answer the question, this is my first natural born child but not the first child I have had and loved. I am not terrified because I know what kind of mom I am and what I can do to be a better mom. I feel completely blessed I was able to be the mom that infant needed his first year and that here I get another chance to be a mom again.
People say to me "be prepared your life is never going to be the same." I have news for those people, my life was never normal and I am excited that it won't ever be the same. How many do get a chance to try it out first?
I never know how to respond to that.
It's always this hesitant "technically yes but then technically no." Then they look at me funny. Who knows what they are thinking so without going into a long complicated back story I simply say "I was a foster parent to little ones once before."
And then I get another stare with a question "wait, how old are you?" And I sigh and respond "Yes, I am 26, I know I turned 18 and stopped growing."
But, I think even those close to me forget that I was once before a mom to a newborn infant, twice in fact, and I was a parent to a 3 year old little boy. And those were amazing days. They certainly prepared me for motherhood a second time around for sure. Someone stated once they wish they could have a trial run before they have kids, I jokingly said "be a Foster Parent! Not only are you helping the children but you are learning yourself!"
I was half way serious.
I miss those little boys ever so much. Especially one in particular which most of us know who. I suppose I think back on it now and see that we both gave each other something amazing. He prepared me to be a Mom to this soul that I am bearing. He taught me patience and unconditional love. He showed me I had the ability to snuggle and take care of someone else. He helped me be understanding with other with children. I am prepared to know what my life will be like. I honestly would be a bazillion times more scared than I already am if I was not able to care for that little infant from three days old to 13 months. It is also crazy to think about that he will be 3 years old here in a few weeks.
So I guess to answer the question, this is my first natural born child but not the first child I have had and loved. I am not terrified because I know what kind of mom I am and what I can do to be a better mom. I feel completely blessed I was able to be the mom that infant needed his first year and that here I get another chance to be a mom again.
People say to me "be prepared your life is never going to be the same." I have news for those people, my life was never normal and I am excited that it won't ever be the same. How many do get a chance to try it out first?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Finals, Dreams and Realities
This last week has been a crazy week! Well, last two weeks really. Who knew I had the ability to sit at my computer for so long without getting up and walking around. Finals started with me editing photographs I took and ended with my pie animation with a test (I totally passed) and a paper in between. One thing I learned this last semester is how much being a photographer means to me. How big of a dream it is for me to be a high end fashion photographer. The projects that were more open and creative were a little more challenging but I still produced some great photographs but the ones I took in the studio were amazing and was the thrill. They weren't like your rigid family portraits they are more into the magazine like ones. I love it. I also got excited to think that when my baby is born I can save a ton of money because why pay a photographer when I can do it myself! But, I did however get a moment where I realized school was going to get more difficult and I am going to get more pregnant and soon a baby will be here. So juggling a baby, work plus a full school work load x2... eeep.
I think that is why I am having more dreams. I dream about the oddest things, seeing my therapist in busy locations to where I can't talk to him (who ironically is a woman in my dreams) or loosing all of my possessions. All the while I am at the end of my pregnancy. People say they have baby dreams but I am still very much pregnant in these ones and these hard situations are presenting themselves. I am sure as I go a long the dreams will change.
At least the reality is right now I have two weeks to pack my things for the move, visit my family, work and relax. Whatever else is in the future will happen when it happens and I will deal with it when it happens. Am I worried about moving? Of course. Am I worried about visiting my family? Yes, a little bit. Am I worried about work? You betcha! And really, worried about relaxing? Yes believe it or not (I hate not feeling productive but relaxing is very important.) But like anything else in life when you deal with it as it happens it makes it easier to deal with. You can only prepare so much.
Last night I was laying to go to sleep and my hand was resting on where the baby would be, I said out loud to the dark room, "I am having a baby. I've always dreamed about having a baby." I think now that finals were over, I remembered my dream, and for once realized that dream was an absolute reality and it didn't matter what the situation was.
I think that is why I am having more dreams. I dream about the oddest things, seeing my therapist in busy locations to where I can't talk to him (who ironically is a woman in my dreams) or loosing all of my possessions. All the while I am at the end of my pregnancy. People say they have baby dreams but I am still very much pregnant in these ones and these hard situations are presenting themselves. I am sure as I go a long the dreams will change.
At least the reality is right now I have two weeks to pack my things for the move, visit my family, work and relax. Whatever else is in the future will happen when it happens and I will deal with it when it happens. Am I worried about moving? Of course. Am I worried about visiting my family? Yes, a little bit. Am I worried about work? You betcha! And really, worried about relaxing? Yes believe it or not (I hate not feeling productive but relaxing is very important.) But like anything else in life when you deal with it as it happens it makes it easier to deal with. You can only prepare so much.
Last night I was laying to go to sleep and my hand was resting on where the baby would be, I said out loud to the dark room, "I am having a baby. I've always dreamed about having a baby." I think now that finals were over, I remembered my dream, and for once realized that dream was an absolute reality and it didn't matter what the situation was.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Talking To My Unborn Child
I read on a pregnancy website and in the pregnancy bible "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that in week 16 the baby develops hearing. So when I talk or sing the baby can hear me. Reading that I found myself instead of having conversations with myself I am having conversations with the baby. Today in the store I was debating on what to get and asked the baby what it thought. Suppose that is a bad habit to get into but I figured it was better than talking and responding to myself. If someone gives me a weird eye I can just say "I am talking to my unborn child." Hm, not sure if that is any better.
I have also found myself getting anxious to get things for the little one. I peer at the clothes after work wondering if I will be able to get the cute girl pink teddy bear outfit or the adorable blue puppy dog outfit. Good thing I live on a budget!
Speaking of a budget I started to worry about how I was going to make it financially. The world is proving this is a two income society. I realize going to school and working only part time limits my funds even more than an average couple who really barely makes it as it is. But, for some reason that fear lasted a second when I realized that I have always been financially okay and I think in part has to do with my ability to budget and not have a huge need for things. (Or I realize what I want is so expensive it is far fetched to think I will get it!)
Regardless of money and regardless of what the baby will get I do know that I will be able to provide to it what it needs but most importantly as I was talking to it I already found myself, despite my complaints of body functions and sickness, telling it that I love it and was anticipating the day it will arrive and look forward to cleaning up messes like the one in picture.
I have also found myself getting anxious to get things for the little one. I peer at the clothes after work wondering if I will be able to get the cute girl pink teddy bear outfit or the adorable blue puppy dog outfit. Good thing I live on a budget!
Speaking of a budget I started to worry about how I was going to make it financially. The world is proving this is a two income society. I realize going to school and working only part time limits my funds even more than an average couple who really barely makes it as it is. But, for some reason that fear lasted a second when I realized that I have always been financially okay and I think in part has to do with my ability to budget and not have a huge need for things. (Or I realize what I want is so expensive it is far fetched to think I will get it!)
Regardless of money and regardless of what the baby will get I do know that I will be able to provide to it what it needs but most importantly as I was talking to it I already found myself, despite my complaints of body functions and sickness, telling it that I love it and was anticipating the day it will arrive and look forward to cleaning up messes like the one in picture.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Here it goes...
My sister-in-law the other day suggested that I start a blog. At first I was unsure and thinking "when will I have the time?" But then I realized taking a moment every other day or so to sit and type out my thoughts to send out to the world of cyberspace might be just as therapeutic as she said it was. I do enjoy reading my friends and family's blogs so why not start my own?
So here it goes.
Just to start off I am 16 weeks pregnant. It hasn't been easy and my situation lets say is less conventional. (Although, speaking with my OB there is a rise of single moms. Not sure that is a good thing or not.) It was shocking to find out that I was pregnant. I was terrified to tell my Mom but it came out easier than expected. We all know that I was trying and praying hard to conceive back when I was married but God obviously had another plan for me. (Wish he let me in on it though.)
My pregnancy so far has been traditional yet to me, crazy! I was nauseous for weeks and weeks! It is starting to ease off luckily which I was told it would get better. I don't have massive headaches any more either. Yay. I am already feeling the baby move. It moves the most when I bend over a lot so I feel it frequently at work! I am seeing how long my hair will get by the end as well. If it gets longer than 10 inches or so I think I will cut it and donate it. I am already physically changing and find jeans most uncomfortable to wear.
The baby is due on May 23. Which is close to so many other family and friend's birthdays. It will be a Gemini which I am and those into that sort of thing know it will be an interesting combination. I am also thinking that it will be girl. Will find out soon.
So here I am about to be a single college mom while working part time. Sure, I have a while to go but it will be fun to type about my adventures and see what other bizarre situation I will find myself in.
So here it goes.
Just to start off I am 16 weeks pregnant. It hasn't been easy and my situation lets say is less conventional. (Although, speaking with my OB there is a rise of single moms. Not sure that is a good thing or not.) It was shocking to find out that I was pregnant. I was terrified to tell my Mom but it came out easier than expected. We all know that I was trying and praying hard to conceive back when I was married but God obviously had another plan for me. (Wish he let me in on it though.)
My pregnancy so far has been traditional yet to me, crazy! I was nauseous for weeks and weeks! It is starting to ease off luckily which I was told it would get better. I don't have massive headaches any more either. Yay. I am already feeling the baby move. It moves the most when I bend over a lot so I feel it frequently at work! I am seeing how long my hair will get by the end as well. If it gets longer than 10 inches or so I think I will cut it and donate it. I am already physically changing and find jeans most uncomfortable to wear.
The baby is due on May 23. Which is close to so many other family and friend's birthdays. It will be a Gemini which I am and those into that sort of thing know it will be an interesting combination. I am also thinking that it will be girl. Will find out soon.
So here I am about to be a single college mom while working part time. Sure, I have a while to go but it will be fun to type about my adventures and see what other bizarre situation I will find myself in.
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