I looked back to see if I talked about my cravings. I didn't see anything so I thought I would dedicate part of this blog about cravings. I did mention the pickles and milk thing but that wasn't really craving. Now, there are two things that I can honestly say that I have been craving.
First thing that I crave is bacon. Now, those who know me know that I am not a fan of bacon. Sure I like it on my hamburger but that really is about it. It is greasy and honestly just tastes like... fat, oh yeah cause it is. Granted I love my turkey bacon for the reasons it is not as greasy. I ate bacon before but it was few and far in between. Usually, I would get sausage links at breakfast restaurants. I remember the first time I smelled bacon at the beginning of my pregnancy. I practically salivated over it! I am hopeful that this is a craving that will go away soon. I try to avoid it but sometimes I just need to have the bacon!
Second craving caught me off guard. I remember when I stayed with Aunt Cheryl in Utah the summer between my Junior and Senior high school year I spent a few days with my beautiful Grandma and we had the most amazing toast. It was Grandma Sycamore's Home-Maid Bread. Years later I am sitting there all of a sudden extremely craving this yummy bread. No clue how to get it. I seriously contemplating emailing my beautiful Grandma asking her to send me some of that amazing bread. I would pay for it of course. Later that week late at night I found myself at the Albertson's store and I decided to pick up some bread too. I am walking down the isle checking out the different breads trying to decide what to get. (Since they didn't carry my second favorite bread Milton's multigrain.) And there it was like it was sent from Heaven. I swear I heard the angel's singing and it lit up in all it's glory... Grandma's Sycamore's Home-Maid Bread. I was so excited I hugged the clerk that was facing the products on shelves and exclaimed "You just made a pregnant woman happy!"
The annoying part about the whole thing though is everyone else must obviously love this bread because it is ALWAYS OUT! Today I found wheat bread instead of the white, we will see if it is just as good. I don't mean to be a snob when it comes to this bread but it is so good and that is the second thing that I crave consistently and it is obviously hard to get a hold of!
Now, there are things that I want but I would call them pregnancy must have cravings. I am sure I would crave them anyway. But, it is funny to see people immediately react like "we better get this for her or else..." so I suppose I should be thanking stereo-typed pregnant woman because all honesty, although I really wanted no bake cookies, I could have lived without them just fine. And even if I wasn't pregnant if I want something, I would go get it. Why not? We ALL have cravings from time to time. Remember "I know I am craving something but I don't know what?" Yeah.
Hopefully I wont crave anything else!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sickness , Sunshine and Art
On Monday I met with this woman who is a First Steps Nurse. It is a woman who comes into your home to help you with any concerns or questions regarding pregnancy and post-pregnancy (including breast feeding) and child wellness. At first I wasn't so sure about it but I am sure it will be nice for a monthly visit from a sweet woman at least. She was asking me if I had the flu shot yet this winter and I told her no. I got it last winter and still ended up getting the flu twice that winter plus a cold every month for the whole year. I had no desire to do it again. She mentioned to me that pregnant woman are high risk for the H1N1 blah blah.... okay no thanks lady... sweet lady though just doing her job.
I also explained to her that surprisingly I haven't been sick since November, you know that crazy snowed in, no power thanksgiving week, yeah I remember that I was sick with a migraine that week not fun. I figured if I could survive a cold frigid temperature week with a sickness and be fine I could get over anything else brought on. There were so many opportunities for me to get sick too and didn't happen. I felt like luck was on my side.
I spoke too soon.
Tuesday I felt a little tickle in my throat but didn't think anything of it. I do have allergies. But then after a stressful Tuesday evening (actually almost unable to control my emotions, yeah, Anthropology class... grrr) I think that triggered something or I don't know but Wednesday morning I was feeling something a brewing in me. I barely made it to the end of my Photography class and my dear friend took me home where I just crashed for the rest of the day. Missing my Graphic Design class. My temperature went up and I slept almost the entire afternoon. I thought maybe that was good enough and all I had but nope, it continued into Thursday. 98 degrees then spiking up to 101.1 It was madness and annoying. I felt miserable and snotty. I had to cancel psycho appointment, internship, missed classes and bail out on a friend (yet again.) I hated every minute and I know, I know I only got sick because of my attitude on Monday. I guess one would say I was humbled?
But here is Sunday, still hacking but feeling better. My roommate and some friends were also sick so something was going around. But the neat thing about this weekend was the beautiful weather that we had. It was amazing for February in Washington. Everyone threatened snow but there was no snow or rain to be had just beautiful sun.
I went out to Ocean Shores today, from where I am currently at, it is a 2.5 hour drive. My friend came with which was awesome to have her come and it was great to drive in the sunny beautiful weather. The beautiful weather though matched to a lovely end of the week. (Actually, we debated today if Sunday was the end or the beginning of the week, I say end. Debate will continue.)
I recently quit my job, as we all know, working retail to help further along my art path and so far it seems to be the right decision. I went to Ocean Shores to talk to a woman about displaying my artwork. Thanks to my other artist friend, Ivy Moyer, whose artwork is incredible, she helped navigate to this opportunity and I am so very thankful for. If you find yourself in Ocean Shores, Wa around March 19th or later, go to the Ramada Inn and there you will see my artwork and photographs for sale. Along with Ivy's art and other amazing artists.
Regardless to a horrible start to a week, failing Anthropology and being sick it ended with friendships, art opportunities, baby stuff shopping (thanks to my friend) and sunshine.
I also explained to her that surprisingly I haven't been sick since November, you know that crazy snowed in, no power thanksgiving week, yeah I remember that I was sick with a migraine that week not fun. I figured if I could survive a cold frigid temperature week with a sickness and be fine I could get over anything else brought on. There were so many opportunities for me to get sick too and didn't happen. I felt like luck was on my side.
I spoke too soon.
Tuesday I felt a little tickle in my throat but didn't think anything of it. I do have allergies. But then after a stressful Tuesday evening (actually almost unable to control my emotions, yeah, Anthropology class... grrr) I think that triggered something or I don't know but Wednesday morning I was feeling something a brewing in me. I barely made it to the end of my Photography class and my dear friend took me home where I just crashed for the rest of the day. Missing my Graphic Design class. My temperature went up and I slept almost the entire afternoon. I thought maybe that was good enough and all I had but nope, it continued into Thursday. 98 degrees then spiking up to 101.1 It was madness and annoying. I felt miserable and snotty. I had to cancel psycho appointment, internship, missed classes and bail out on a friend (yet again.) I hated every minute and I know, I know I only got sick because of my attitude on Monday. I guess one would say I was humbled?
But here is Sunday, still hacking but feeling better. My roommate and some friends were also sick so something was going around. But the neat thing about this weekend was the beautiful weather that we had. It was amazing for February in Washington. Everyone threatened snow but there was no snow or rain to be had just beautiful sun.
I went out to Ocean Shores today, from where I am currently at, it is a 2.5 hour drive. My friend came with which was awesome to have her come and it was great to drive in the sunny beautiful weather. The beautiful weather though matched to a lovely end of the week. (Actually, we debated today if Sunday was the end or the beginning of the week, I say end. Debate will continue.)
I recently quit my job, as we all know, working retail to help further along my art path and so far it seems to be the right decision. I went to Ocean Shores to talk to a woman about displaying my artwork. Thanks to my other artist friend, Ivy Moyer, whose artwork is incredible, she helped navigate to this opportunity and I am so very thankful for. If you find yourself in Ocean Shores, Wa around March 19th or later, go to the Ramada Inn and there you will see my artwork and photographs for sale. Along with Ivy's art and other amazing artists.
Regardless to a horrible start to a week, failing Anthropology and being sick it ended with friendships, art opportunities, baby stuff shopping (thanks to my friend) and sunshine.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I still smile...
Today I will admit that yesterday I was on an emotional train heading for a wreckage. Despite my awesome roommate asking me if everything was okay and me telling him yes, truth was I was not okay.
I had found some videotapes and was going through them. One of them had me and my ex-husband 6 months after we were married. While looking at this video I became sad not because I missed him or having fun moments but it was a captured 15 minutes total of our life 6 months after we were married. It looked and felt no different than what it was 4.5 years later. It was still me trying to be fun and spontaneous while he sat and watched TV barely responsive. How sad to see it now. But, it is also good to see it and that I know what I definitely don't want and I hope that I can avoid another relationship like that. I also ended up going through some emails that we passed back and forth after we split. So, between having to write this crazy letter for him, going through old videotapes and reading emails I could feel myself tumbling down an emotional path.
To top it off I ended up having a very important conversation that was with someone else that was both difficult and emotionally exhausting. But was also tearing me up inside so I am glad it happened. I seriously thought though I was going to loose it but as always I was able to call my Mom, who is so amazing, and was there for me again to get me to a point to where I felt okay.
But the night ended better. I ended up going and hanging out with someone I hope to become really great friends with. It was nice, simple and we just had a good time. This morning I felt better. I felt like I had confronted some things that needed to be said and ended it on a positive note and therefore inspired me to write on my facebook status:
"With life's ups and downs and all arounds I still smile and end up on top."
I have been told recently that I have inspired some people and that makes me feel really good. That despite me thinking the emotional train wreck is going to happen and have devastating results I am able to still stay on track and most importantly have it inspire someone else. I remember telling an important person to me in high school that if all I did in life was bring positive and inspiration to others I would be happy. I don't know if that makes me sound pompous or big headed I just love the world. I love the people in it. There are some amazing people. I believe in the world and everyone in it so much that I don't want to be a part of tearing it down. If going through the things I go through will inspire someone else to make it through their lives than I say bring it. Because I will still smile and end up on top because of how much I truly to love this life and everyone in it.
I had found some videotapes and was going through them. One of them had me and my ex-husband 6 months after we were married. While looking at this video I became sad not because I missed him or having fun moments but it was a captured 15 minutes total of our life 6 months after we were married. It looked and felt no different than what it was 4.5 years later. It was still me trying to be fun and spontaneous while he sat and watched TV barely responsive. How sad to see it now. But, it is also good to see it and that I know what I definitely don't want and I hope that I can avoid another relationship like that. I also ended up going through some emails that we passed back and forth after we split. So, between having to write this crazy letter for him, going through old videotapes and reading emails I could feel myself tumbling down an emotional path.
To top it off I ended up having a very important conversation that was with someone else that was both difficult and emotionally exhausting. But was also tearing me up inside so I am glad it happened. I seriously thought though I was going to loose it but as always I was able to call my Mom, who is so amazing, and was there for me again to get me to a point to where I felt okay.
But the night ended better. I ended up going and hanging out with someone I hope to become really great friends with. It was nice, simple and we just had a good time. This morning I felt better. I felt like I had confronted some things that needed to be said and ended it on a positive note and therefore inspired me to write on my facebook status:
"With life's ups and downs and all arounds I still smile and end up on top."
I have been told recently that I have inspired some people and that makes me feel really good. That despite me thinking the emotional train wreck is going to happen and have devastating results I am able to still stay on track and most importantly have it inspire someone else. I remember telling an important person to me in high school that if all I did in life was bring positive and inspiration to others I would be happy. I don't know if that makes me sound pompous or big headed I just love the world. I love the people in it. There are some amazing people. I believe in the world and everyone in it so much that I don't want to be a part of tearing it down. If going through the things I go through will inspire someone else to make it through their lives than I say bring it. Because I will still smile and end up on top because of how much I truly to love this life and everyone in it.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Two years later...
Two years ago I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. On February 6th 2009 I agreed to a divorce. Who knew what that would bring. Most importantly who knew that two years later despite everything it still stings.
I suppose it is a wound that although it heals will always have some scar tissue or the bad knee that aches when it rains.
It was weird because this week I was feeling overly emotional for some reason and it didn't hit me as to why until I realized that it was indeed February. I didn't know what bugged me more, the significance of the date of things or the fact I didn't exactly remember. But, when I looked at the calendar I was also shocked that it had already been two years.
Who knew two years from the time I agreed to not be married anymore that here I would be making another huge decision to quit my part time job. February 6th just might be a date in history for me for make big decisions.
Two years ago sitting across from my ex on the overly enveloping falling apart tan couch agreeing to a divorce I was admittedly feeling a bit excited for the future but I didn't expect to experience the biggest heartache in my entire life and didn't realize that two years later I would laying in bed feeling life inside of me move. Both emotional, both met with trepidation and excitement.
Quitting my job was a huge decision and indeed will just add some hardships to my already hard life. But there is one thing I have always stood by. Even in High School when my adviser, who was also the librarian, told me to be serious when I wrote down that I wanted to be a starving artist on what I wanted to do for a career. I knew even in high school that I wouldn't be me and I would be happy if I didn't do what I loved. But I got distracted once and then got back on track but I got distracted again.
I had a job that didn't even pay my bills to send me down in this misery and depression. When I made the choice to quit I got excited thinking about that time and energy spent on my photography and art. I am now looking forward to the future because I will be doing what I love to do and that matters to me more than working a part time retail job that has nothing to do with what I want to do for my future.
I will still give my daughter what she needs and hopefully this hard work now will pay off but most importantly we will be happy. She will see that excitement and love of life that I have.
I wouldn't be able to do this right now if it weren't for my Mom. Someday somehow I will repay that special person who has unselfishly helped me out and I couldn't follow my heart if it wasn't for her. I hope she understands. Soon I can get to a point that I don't need her and she can do what she loves. I will return what she has given and sacrificed for me and that is too make my art career successful. And when I stress out and suffer at a retail job putting my art aside to handle this job feels like I am taking advantage of her. Now is my chance to start my art career and because of her I am given that chance.
This is for my Mom and Dad. This is for my daughter. This is for all those who support and believe in me. And this is for me.
I am an artist. I always will be. No more different paths and distractions. You will see two years from now...
I suppose it is a wound that although it heals will always have some scar tissue or the bad knee that aches when it rains.
It was weird because this week I was feeling overly emotional for some reason and it didn't hit me as to why until I realized that it was indeed February. I didn't know what bugged me more, the significance of the date of things or the fact I didn't exactly remember. But, when I looked at the calendar I was also shocked that it had already been two years.
Who knew two years from the time I agreed to not be married anymore that here I would be making another huge decision to quit my part time job. February 6th just might be a date in history for me for make big decisions.
Two years ago sitting across from my ex on the overly enveloping falling apart tan couch agreeing to a divorce I was admittedly feeling a bit excited for the future but I didn't expect to experience the biggest heartache in my entire life and didn't realize that two years later I would laying in bed feeling life inside of me move. Both emotional, both met with trepidation and excitement.
Quitting my job was a huge decision and indeed will just add some hardships to my already hard life. But there is one thing I have always stood by. Even in High School when my adviser, who was also the librarian, told me to be serious when I wrote down that I wanted to be a starving artist on what I wanted to do for a career. I knew even in high school that I wouldn't be me and I would be happy if I didn't do what I loved. But I got distracted once and then got back on track but I got distracted again.
I had a job that didn't even pay my bills to send me down in this misery and depression. When I made the choice to quit I got excited thinking about that time and energy spent on my photography and art. I am now looking forward to the future because I will be doing what I love to do and that matters to me more than working a part time retail job that has nothing to do with what I want to do for my future.
I will still give my daughter what she needs and hopefully this hard work now will pay off but most importantly we will be happy. She will see that excitement and love of life that I have.
I wouldn't be able to do this right now if it weren't for my Mom. Someday somehow I will repay that special person who has unselfishly helped me out and I couldn't follow my heart if it wasn't for her. I hope she understands. Soon I can get to a point that I don't need her and she can do what she loves. I will return what she has given and sacrificed for me and that is too make my art career successful. And when I stress out and suffer at a retail job putting my art aside to handle this job feels like I am taking advantage of her. Now is my chance to start my art career and because of her I am given that chance.
This is for my Mom and Dad. This is for my daughter. This is for all those who support and believe in me. And this is for me.
I am an artist. I always will be. No more different paths and distractions. You will see two years from now...
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