Today was full of answers and yet more questions.
The other day Naomi wasn't feeling well and I got woken up to her throwing up every where. So scary to wake up hearing your baby choking on her own throw up. I don't even think my feet hit the floor when I jumped out of my bed. After going to the dr's that even which was supposed to just check her weight because she was gaining weight so slowly, it came to the conclusion she should go to the ER. After being in the ER for five hours it was only concluded that her potassium level was too high. Not understanding what that was I was sent on our way to see the dr again the next day. At the drs they poked her again to get more blood. She seems to be okay off and on. The blood results came back with more potassium. So they are going to do a different kind of blood test to see if it really is that high. Let's pray that is is not.
I am not sure what it all means but there is stomach bug going around. I am ever so closely monitoring her. I am sure she will be okay. It is just so sad to see something so small not feel well and not really know why. She can't say "Mommy, my tummy hurts." but she does the best she can to communicate when she cries or snuggles into me.
I also got an answer to something I have so desperately waited for. I cried but only because I no longer have this question over my head. What happens next I am not so sure. Only time will tell.
I am moving tomorrow, well mostly, and I am super excited. We have a life to build in our new home. It is just perfect. I have been blessed with some surprise income and I am working towards being able to make money doing portrait photography. I took pictures today of someone and they turned out pretty good.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Taking a leap of faith
I felt that there needed to be a change in my life and I've been changing a lot of things from relationships I am involved in to living situations. After having my daughter all I worry about is what I am doing is not only going to be good for me but will it mostly be good for her.
There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.
Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.
I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.
Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.
We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .
I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.
Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.
There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.
Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.
I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.
Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.
We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .
I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.
Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Quick Update...
Wow. What a crazy couple of weeks. I haven't written much on here or posted any pictures lately because I have been so crazy busy. I thought I would make a quick update.
Good news is that Naomi is starting to finally get bigger! Yay. She finally hit 10lbs! I can't believe she is already two months old. She is doing good with the formula. I still feel sad I had to stop but I still feel like it was the right choice. She is an amazing little baby. So very relaxed most of the time. She does get bored fairly easily and right now she is in "I want my mommy" phase! She loves when guys hold her but not so much a female. It is strange. She is definitely a momma's girl. Can't say I didn't plan for that. Ha! She is also extremely talkative. I am teaching her to say "hi grandma." I think we got the hi part down. She loves to watch TV and the mobile over her bed. Haha. That is so my little girl!
I'm almost done with this school semester. I can't wait. I am not sure I've passed my classes but we shall see. I did what I could do and that was the best for me. (Hence me ignoring this blog.) I am sure it will all work out in the end. I have been also trying to get back into shape. I dislike not being where I was at before pregnancy so I am trying to get back and then some. Right now I am size 18/16 at 269lbs. I can definitely loose that and get back into shape! Every day I push my self and the more jogging I get to do the better I will get.
I am not sure what the future has in store. I am just trying to figure out right now. I am hoping the routes I am going are the right ones and that it can help me out. I need daycare, I need a job to get daycare, I need daycare to get a job. Yeah. Confusing. I still have bouts of sadness and anxiety about things but the one thing I am trying to have is faith. Faith that it will all work out. I did give Naomi the middle name Faith because it reminds me that I had faith she would come and now I have to have faith that everything will be okay. God is on my side I just know it.
Good news is that Naomi is starting to finally get bigger! Yay. She finally hit 10lbs! I can't believe she is already two months old. She is doing good with the formula. I still feel sad I had to stop but I still feel like it was the right choice. She is an amazing little baby. So very relaxed most of the time. She does get bored fairly easily and right now she is in "I want my mommy" phase! She loves when guys hold her but not so much a female. It is strange. She is definitely a momma's girl. Can't say I didn't plan for that. Ha! She is also extremely talkative. I am teaching her to say "hi grandma." I think we got the hi part down. She loves to watch TV and the mobile over her bed. Haha. That is so my little girl!
I'm almost done with this school semester. I can't wait. I am not sure I've passed my classes but we shall see. I did what I could do and that was the best for me. (Hence me ignoring this blog.) I am sure it will all work out in the end. I have been also trying to get back into shape. I dislike not being where I was at before pregnancy so I am trying to get back and then some. Right now I am size 18/16 at 269lbs. I can definitely loose that and get back into shape! Every day I push my self and the more jogging I get to do the better I will get.
I am not sure what the future has in store. I am just trying to figure out right now. I am hoping the routes I am going are the right ones and that it can help me out. I need daycare, I need a job to get daycare, I need daycare to get a job. Yeah. Confusing. I still have bouts of sadness and anxiety about things but the one thing I am trying to have is faith. Faith that it will all work out. I did give Naomi the middle name Faith because it reminds me that I had faith she would come and now I have to have faith that everything will be okay. God is on my side I just know it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)