Intuition or Something Like It.

This is kind of a blog that will be a bit strange and kind of revealing. But I need to talk about it. I have to admit that the idea of death has never scared me. I've always been more curious about it and there was a moment in my life where I welcomed the idea.

For the last two weeks I've been really fearing death. I don't know why. It's kept me up at night sometimes because I am terrified that if I fall asleep I will die. Ridiculous I know. I am going to assume that part of this fear is because of my hormones and pregnancy. I do know though, that a huge part is because I love my daughter already and when you think about life you think about it's natural counter part. Regardless of why I was feeling that way it really started to feel overwhelmed my thoughts. In fact, normally I can watch action movies or shoot em-up movies but recently it's been hard!

Until the horrific Japan quake.

I almost wonder if my impending fear and death wasn't another experience of my intuition. It's not the only time something like that happened. Few examples are:

In June of 1999, I woke up in the middle of the night because I've never experienced an earthquake and I said out loud "there is going to be an earthquake!" Telling myself how ridiculous I was that I couldn't predict an earthquake I tried to calm down. The next morning there was an earthquake around Olympia area.

Back when the whole 9-11 thing happened I was distraught with that same impending doom and fear, not of death, but that something major world changing was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it. I was crying and freaking out but also feeling like I was just being overly emotional.

So you can imagine my reaction when it happened the next morning. I remember sitting there watching the TV and just feeling my body run cold knowing what I was feeling the night before. At one point of the day I started crying and my teacher told me to not let my fear take over because that is why they are terrorist. I looked at him and said "you don't understand, I felt this was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it."

Again, Sri Lanka. I was anxious and felt like something was going to happen...

I just find it strange that I have had these... intuitions in my life. Both major and non-major. I don't know what it is, I am not saying I am a psychic or anything like that but I feel my intuition is amazingly strong.

I knew when I was pregnant, I know it's a girl, I know that my life is going to work out. I sometimes react like everything is going to hell in hand-basket (thank you to those who listen to me rant during those times) but I know it's really not.I meet someone and I know that they are either going to be, major influences, predominant people in my life or just acquaintances. I know when I am going to get a job or not. I knew that even in my darkest hour I would see light again and be okay.

I hope my daughter has this same intuition. I wonder if it is something I can teach her as well. To just stop and listen and pay attention to the world around us. Feel the way it moves and works.

I am feeling for Japan right now and what happened. It is very sad but it definitely makes me count my blessings. I hope they recover from this well and that our world too will be okay. God be with them.