tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18045438234305625352024-03-13T05:16:36.942-07:00Ali's Life AdventuresThis is a blog about my life and the adventures and challenges I encounter being a photographer, artist and a mom. What a ride!Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-20731016326533133652013-02-10T15:15:00.000-08:002013-02-10T15:15:37.842-08:00Life or something like it...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I feel this is more like a journal, well it is similar to, when I don't in it for a very long time and my first line is "sorry, I haven't written in a while."<br />
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Well, sorry I haven't written in a while. I first want to start off by stating that I have been blog writing but on my business one... <a href="http://alimages.wordpress.com/">http://alimages.wordpress.com/</a> Check it out! Seriously.<br />
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I wanted to write a blog because I am overwhelmed with life right now. Not a bad overwhelmed. But a good one. I don't necessarily want to gloat or be boisterious, not at all, but, you know when you are happy you just want the whole world to know how happy you are? Yeah, it is like that. I hope that my happiness is infectious and others will see how amazing their life is as well and want to send praises and excitement out into the universe so that the goodness will reign down on all the earth so love and peace can be dominate in this crazy world... and breathe...<br />
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...point is, I know some of you used to keep up with me reading my blog and so if you are wondering (in no particular order of importance after number 1):<br />
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Happiness #1: My daughter. She is growing like a weed! I am so grateful for her. I am amazed how smart she is. Infact, was told by professionals that she indeed is smart. Yay. Well it doesn't take a professional to know the intelligence of my kid. I think most kids are super smart anyways but there is something amazing about my daughter. She outsmarts me from time to time. I love teaching her words, especially when she says "zebra" and it comes out as "Sara" or teaching her "Heather" sounds like "Hebu".<br />
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Happiness #2: My career. Okay, this could actually be better but it is getting there. However, I am doing so many awesome graphic design projects right now and other photography projects... and I have some ideas brewing. I have also decided that while living practically rent free I am going to write up a business plan to help get grants and things. I love the idea of being a boss and running a company so why not do it right now?<br />
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Happiness #3: My spirituality. Okay, so, I know I have talked about my spiritual growth in the past and little about my religion but not sure I have ever expressed that yes, I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and yes, my beliefs are of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or as it said "I am Mormon." And the more I am digging deeper and deeper into the more I believe. More specifically today was amazing and I feel that God is listening and that he is definitely mindful of me and my needs. I have a calling working with the young women and I hope I can do it well.<br />
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Happiness #4: A Love Interest. Not going into much detail, as it is still developing, I will say that there is someone that I am involved with. In short, is wow. Have you ever met someone and you were like "there you are." There is a peace, a familiarity, well, lets just say that he definitely has my attention. It was weird how we met and came to even be. It will hopefully be a story I will tell later on. But for now I am excited to see where this one goes and a little, a lot, hopeful that it will be rest of my life one. But, I am not going to jinx it! Most importantly, I am going to take every moment I can with it. <br />
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Sure, there are things I am missing, like my friends. I miss my friends that are far away but they are all still so amazing. I have friends close to where I am but still hard to see them. I do miss Kitsap County. Being so close to the shopping needs but still be among trees. But, all in all I feel like my life seriously has gotten significantly better since I have dedicated myself to my daughter, my faith, my spirituality and being positive on life.<br />
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I hope your life is just as blessed as mine because, well, I love all of you!</div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-35342599727517149902013-01-11T00:11:00.000-08:002013-01-11T00:11:23.088-08:00Relationship Lengths: The Logic of Three<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This post stems from a fun conversation I had the other night and my logical, or illogical, break down of the amount of time of stages in a relationship. I call it Logic of Three.<br />
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<b>Three Day Stage.</b> It takes three days of solid communication to get to know someone to make you realize that you want to see or talk to them frequently. It can start with a first date but sometimes it ends with the first date. With our abilities to communicate in so many ways it is either via texting or long telephone conversations. As time progresses and dates more frequent during this three week period it then leads to the next stage, Three Week Stage.<br />
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<b>Three Week Stage.</b> After three weeks you pretty much know if you are heading into the next stage or that it is time to just remain friends. This is what the new kids are calling "Determine the Relationship" or a DTR discussion. This is what makes the next stage happen. If you determine that you actually want to be serious it usually happens after three weeks of solid communication and dating. This DTR discussion can take one night to up to a week to establish. If it is a nae, then that sucks but usually the friendship has been saved. If it is a yea, then onto the next, Three Month Stage.<br />
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<b>Three Month Stage.</b> This starts after the DTR is established. During the three month stage a lot of the making an impression attitude wears off and real life seeps in a little bit more. At the end of three months it is usually the point where you know if the relationship is doomed or has a potential. Sometimes you hold on a month or two longer to see if you are just scared or really feeling the end. But if the relationship does end you pretty much can pin point it to the three month mark that things started to change or manifest itself to doom-hood. Sometime you can remain friends but usually at this point if there is a break-up the friendship is over too. <br />
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Now, there are exceptions to the rule. Also, it doesn't have to be consecutive but it makes it that much more successful if it is. There is part of the logic that comes at three years too. But, that is more in depth and complicated and I can't reveal all in case I decide to write a book about this. But, that was a brief description about my Logic of Three in a relationship. <br />
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You have to admit it is pretty accurate and logical. I have had, and have witnessed, many relationships to come to this logical conclusion. </div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-29222652455250563262012-12-31T17:42:00.001-08:002012-12-31T17:42:51.828-08:00Auld Lang Syne<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;">Auld Lang Syne </span></b></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><b><span style="color: #336699; font-size: small;">Should auld acquaintance be forgot,<br />And never brought to mind?<br />Should auld acquaintance be forgot,<br />And auld lang syne!<br /><br />Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,<br />For auld lang syne.<br />We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,<br />For auld lang syne. </span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;">I think this song has more meaning to me this year <span style="font-size: small;">seeing that I h<span style="font-size: small;">ave made some major change<span style="font-size: small;">s in the last year. As <span style="font-size: small;">I <span style="font-size: small;">have <span style="font-size: small;">been<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">moping around the house all day because I extremely miss my f<span style="font-size: small;">riend<span style="font-size: small;">s<span style="font-size: small;"> up <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">north. </span>I <span style="font-size: small;">realize<span style="font-size: small;">d that <span style="font-size: small;">part of<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">my re<span style="font-size: small;">as<span style="font-size: small;">ons because I <span style="font-size: small;">tru<span style="font-size: small;">ly do miss them and<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">hope that they don't <span style="font-size: small;">forget me and I forget them.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Re<span style="font-size: small;">flection on this last year <span style="font-size: small;">amaz<span style="font-size: small;">es me how<span style="font-size: small;"> much my family went th<span style="font-size: small;">rough, how much my daug<span style="font-size: small;">hter has g<span style="font-size: small;">rown<span style="font-size: small;">. S<span style="font-size: small;">he s<span style="font-size: small;">peaks so much and understands way more. Incredibl<span style="font-size: small;">e! </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> <span style="font-size: small;">I have go<span style="font-size: small;">ne through </span></span>so many personal<span style="font-size: small;">,<span style="font-size: small;"> ph<span style="font-size: small;">ysical<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">and spiritual changes.</span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">New l</span>ove, loss, grief, pain, joy, achievment<span style="font-size: small;">s, moving, new<span style="font-size: small;">, rekindled<span style="font-size: small;">, here there and everwhere in between it makes me <span style="font-size: small;">wonder <span style="font-size: small;">what this next year wi<span style="font-size: small;">ll bring. <span style="font-size: small;">Some <span style="font-size: small;">things old will stay and some things new will come but whatever it is<span style="font-size: small;">, </span>I am <span style="font-size: small;">looking forward to it. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I may love again, loose again, find joy and pain again... <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">achieve</span> goals, find new and rekindle <span style="font-size: small;">old... h<span style="font-size: small;">ere or there <span style="font-size: small;">and everywhere in between<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I really do look<span style="font-size: small;"> forward to<span style="font-size: small;"> 2013.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">(Wow this post is kind of poetic.<span style="font-size: small;">)</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: #741b47;">Happy</span> <span style="color: #0b5394;">New</span> <span style="color: #bf9000;">Year</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #990000;">to my </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: #e69138;"><i>wonderful</i></span> and <span style="color: #073763;"><i>amazing</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;">Friends<span style="color: #990000;"> and</span> Family</span>! </span> </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #336699; font-family: Times New Roman;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></span></h2>
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Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-86045188618563488292012-12-12T10:26:00.002-08:002012-12-12T10:26:47.183-08:00Fog<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Well, good news first. I am down 41lbs! So excited! (All just from jogging a few times a week and being careful what I eat.)<br />
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Today on my jog the air was thick and heavy with fog. Out of all the days I decided to try and wear a pull over sweater. I felt like I was wearing ten extra pounds. But as the jog went on I got used to the sweater.<br />
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Now, my new path where I live now, which is back in my old hometown, it on a road that is mostly straight for a good portion of the route. But there are some curves. As I headed out this morning I was a bit concered about the fog. It was pretty thick and I was afraid that traffic, even though it is sporadic, may not see me. But, I pressed on. I was wearing bright colors and most of the places are safe for me to jump off the road if need be.<br />
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Now, being in the back country there is also a concern of animals. There was a report of a, I believe a bobcat, the other week. I am on guard when I am jogging. I do pass by a couple of farms with mostly cows and chickens but so far so good. However, today in this thick fog I can see a black shadow moving up head. I question if I should still be jogging or just stop and go home. I couldn't stop. I have a goal to jog everyday and I wasn't going to let some mountain lion or creature get in my way! As I got closer I could clearly see it was a dog. Still on guard I passed it. It started to chase me! However, I looked over and saw this huge grin and it's long pink tongue hanging out. I only laughed and continued on. Eventually it lost interested and went off onto the Golf Course.<br />
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As I was jogging through the fog and listening to epic music. I thought back to the dog and how I wasn't sure what it was. I thought of my life and how it does feel like I am going through the fog. That I see black shadowy things that make me scared and want to just stop and turn around. I feel like I am wearing so many heavy sweaters but they do get lighter.<br />
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I have had so many ups and downs and hopes and failures in the last month and half. Between being homeless, careless and relationships. However, as I am coming through the fog things that look big and scary have not been such. They end up being good and make me laugh.<br />
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Again, I am still pressing forward. I am hopeful of things to come. I still don't know where some important things are going to lead but I feel like I have a lot to accomplish and I am going to be okay and finish my jog even though I can't see clearly ahead.<br />
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Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-8233199000806327552012-11-22T13:41:00.001-08:002012-11-22T13:41:16.284-08:00Homelessness and Thanksgiving<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know it has been a while since I updated this, not entirely sure who reads it, but regardless I am sending my thoughts and life out into the world.<br />
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Things in my life have been up in the air. Like I said, I left my little trailer home in Silverdale. This life as a nomad isn't entirely what it is cracked up to be. I am grateful for my friends and family that have opened their home to my daughter and I. I have slept in 5 different homes in the last two weeks. If anything I have learned from this gypsie lifestyle is that I am definitely no gypsie.<br />
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It is a need for me to know where I am going home too. In the past I can honestly say I was not that way, I think I would be okay but now but, I have a daughter to think about, who magically has done considerably well for what she has been put through. Yet, she will have to endure craziness for at least another week as I will be here and there and there in between.<br />
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So, as it is Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. It feels like I am more aware of it than in the past. As my heart is full and my belly will soon be too. I am thankful to be with my mom on this day, it is just her, Naomi and I. It is probably going to be one of the greatest Thanksgivings. Not that the others were or will be great but I am thankful that I am not out in the cold, hungry and alone. That even my state of homelessness I have had places to go that have been warm and inviting.<br />
<br />They say home is where the heart is. That means I at least have 5 different homes because my heart and love is at least in those five places.<br />
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However, I am going to be staying with my mom for a time while she also is giving her life a reset. I think it will be great that we can encourage and help each other figure out what is next in our lives. I will be working and looking for work, practicing the piano, building my faith and jogging as much as possible during my time here. <br />
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I didn't expect Raymond to be a <i>temporary</i> home ever again but I am looking forward too it. (As long as my mom can deal with me! Ha.) <br />
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Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-39442689607611192222012-10-24T09:08:00.000-07:002012-10-24T09:08:31.746-07:00Jogging Rant<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yesterday, I jogged my two mile route in about 15 minutes. To me that was a great victory. That was like 7.5 minute mile. Okay, so I am not yet a marathon runner. But today, today I thought I would push myself and do better than yesterday. Why not?<br />
<br />
Either, I psyched my self out or the fact I got only three hours of sleep and battled a major charlie horse in my leg in the middle of that three hour sleep, prevented me from my goal.<br />
<br />
Between the continual cramping in my leg and the feeling of wanting to vomit all over the road I barely made it all the way around.<br />
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I couldn't even the jog the hill.<br />
<br />
I know, we all have bad days when it comes to jogging and working out. But still. I value my jogging time, I really only get to do it two days a week, I love how it gets me feeling good and motivated.<br />
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Not today. <br />
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Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-86245481795997445422012-10-16T09:15:00.001-07:002012-10-16T09:15:38.022-07:00Jogging<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Back in June I was weighed and it was a shock to me. The weight that I was I didn't feel like I weighed that much and I looked in the mirror with rose colored glasses. I always thought that if my boobs were out further than my stomach than I was alright.<br />
<br />
Well, my breasts grew too so that was illogical hypothesis.<br />
<br />
Now, admitting this is kind of making me feel foolish. I never felt like I over ate or that over indulged myself. Yes, I liked having the occasional treat. I began to find that it wasn't just that I didn't eat right but in actuality I never ate enough. With my busy life as a single mom and college full-time I would go almost a day to two days without hardly eating a thing, my calorie intake on average was only 600 a day. Not. Healthy.<br />
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I started to take action. I paid more attention to what and when I was eating and my life, especially since school has finished, is more active. I have gone on a ton of hikes, hiked 27 miles on my trip, and I am exercising, mostly jogging three to four days a week. I want to do more. I have no idea what I am at now but I am not so concerned because I am taking action. <br />
<br />
But here are some things I have been experiencing on my jogs:<br />
<br />
I started off barely being able to jog my two mile route. There is an awkward hill that is deceiving. The 45degree grade is shockingly hard to jog up. It looks like a nice gradual incline but it definitely isn't. But over all I mostly walked it. Then I soon was jogging more of it, until I got to that hill. For about a week I would hit that hill and stop. I told a friend that the next week I would jog that entire route. And I did. I made it up that hill. I thought it was a fluke but every time since I have jogged my entire two mile route including the hill. I no longer call it going on my walg or going walgging but indeed, I am jogging.<br />
<br />
The other day on my jog, and I don't wear my glasses when I jog, I heard something behind me and at first glance I thought it was coyote so I picked up my pace. Then getting an idea I turned around to scare it away and to my finding it was just a Min Pin dog! That made me laugh.<br />
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I am not as self-conscious as I thought. On my route I travel through very busy parts, a busy road and school zone. There is something about fat girl jogging. But anything, I feel like I am saying to the world, I am not a lazy person and I do care about myself to do something about it. It is better when I am pushing Naomi, although she is getting super heavy to push, because it says "yes, I popped this out and now I have to get my body back." All in all I don't care what people think. I jogged at the Grand Forest and was afraid there were too many people there but I jogged anyway.<br />
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Jogging in the morning is the best time, and more so in the fall! I have my epic music on and when that sun appears and I feel its warmth it is this amazing magical moment. It is so beautiful in the morning and it is a great way to start my day. I love the fog lifting and the cold crisp air.<br />
<br />
I love jogging. I loved it when I ran cross country in high school. I am sad I didn't have the confidence then to really run the events but I loved it. I love the moment of euphoria that strikes right when you are about to give up. Jogging is my way of finding my center and giving me the strength to handle life's challenges.<br />
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I need to do it more than just a few days a week.</div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-16894258716323493782012-10-13T01:14:00.003-07:002012-10-13T01:14:46.881-07:00Things that I am learning...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When it comes to memorabilia of my life, letters and journals, even cards and sweet notes, I am a pack rat. I am a memory whore. I have a ton of memories and I cling on to every single one of them. I take pride in my ability to remember dates and the significant events. <br />
<br />
While packing I decided that I wanted to go through some of this history. I wanted to thoroughly go through it. I have laughed, cried, been puzzled by some things, shocked, and numb I keep intending to throw things out like, thank you notes from my wedding that never got sent. Or letters that my former husband and I wrote to each other, or even pictures. I even have thank you cards, like from someone named Abby who I apparently helped with her wedding but for the life of me I cannot remember who she is! (I guess my memory is not as good as I thought.) I keep thinking to myself, "why am I torturing myself and why do I hang on these things?"<br />
<br />
I tried to dump them but all I could feel was that I was dumping a piece that explained my past. These things were so important to me at one point and it was something that shaped who I am today. Should I even feel compelled to be rid of it?<br />
<br />
Here is what I learned from going through these letters and things from my childhood till a year before my marriage ended. <br />
<br />
1. I had the most amazing friends and I wonder if I ever reciprocated or showed them how much they meant/mean to me. I hope that some of those letters of discouragement or asking me to give them a call or stop by that I responded to them. I have a feeling I did not and I apologize to every single one of them. It is like I got married and dropped off into my own little world.<br />
<br />
2. I was quite the insightful little twerp at times. I wonder what happened to that.<br />
<br />
3. I did indeed love my former husband and that is why I still cry when I read those letters and cards. We did indeed love and appreciate each other at one point. What changed all that? Well, I have my theories, but I do not regret being married. I did my best and I learned a lot which will help me when I get married again. I feel I have moved on, but yet, I cannot seem to let the evidence of that era go.<br />
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4. Love isn't enough. It is what you do with that love. I have had so many come and go into my life that I showed love too but it obviously wasn't enough. Sometime, somewhere I will be able to be with that person that is a combination of all those special relationships. <br />
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5. I am so determined not to ever have to loose a part of myself when finding someone to share this life with. <br />
<br />
6. I loved to write. I was a writer. It makes me want to write again.<br />
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7. Wow, I predicted so many thing and there is a test where I randomly wrote numbers down and some how that predicted my future which has come true, down to me being a single mother living on welfare. CRAZY! I should be careful what I say for now on. (I will win a million bucks someday!) <br />
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There are more things, but I realized, I will not toss such important notes into the memory hole. Someday some of these things may come back to haunt me, som day some of these things will be forgotten why I even held on to them, some of these things will always bring tears to my eyes, or pains to my heart or a smile to my face but all in all, I love having every last tiny piece of paper or item. I will hold on to them dearly because I do not ever want to forget where I have been that lead me to now. </div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-25921899539502838852012-10-07T11:33:00.000-07:002012-10-07T11:33:13.525-07:00Post-college life, moving and dating<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Well, post-college life has certainly been interesting. It isn't exactly what I thought would happen but I will make it through. It has been a challenge obtaining clients and/or looking for a solid full-time job. I have had to make a lot of difficult decisions and I went through some interesting things in just a few short months.<br />
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I wanted to wait before I posted this before I individually talked to everyone but that doesn't seem to be happening. Also, things are still uncertain. I did a crazy thing, yet something prompted me, to tell my landlords that I will be moving out at the end of the month. Not entirely sure where, however, the most logical choice is Vancouver, Washington. I have amazing friends down there and a place to stay. So, if nothing transpires up here in the next few weeks, then Vancouver is my next destination and if that destination doesn't work out then I will head down to Utah. Why Utah? I am not sure, it is just another prompting and today listening to some wise men it seemed to be about following promptings. I don't really want to move away from Kitsap County because of some amazing friends and experiences I have gained. It truly feels like home. If I do move away maybe someday I will be back. Right now my main priority is to find a job in my career field and establish a home for my daughter, wherever that may be. The interesting thing is I was going to stay here because of some doors opening but in a crazy week most of them have shut or not as wide open as I thought.<br />
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I also had a realization today about a certain relationship that I was in. Part of my reasons for wanting to stay here, which are no longer completely valid, was because of that relationship. Technically we dated for a week but that is beside the point. This guy has quickly become someone super important to me and my daughter. She has taken to him very well so it is important to me that we continue the amazing friendship we do have.<br />
<br />
But through all of this I realized that dating someone is super complicated. If I date someone but we do break up its not just a break up with me but my daughter as well. The older she gets the more aware she will be with who I date. I guess that is why I am going to have to be even more picky and why the thought of casual dating doesn't appeal to me anymore.<br />
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Also, I have been dedicated to loosing weight and getting healthy. Looking at some pictures of me in July and now I have seen a significant difference. It has been difficult but doable. I also found that I can no longer eat anything unhealthy or full of sugars. It makes me completely ill to my stomach and so now even looking at it has deterred me away. I would say that is God's way of helping me out. <br />
<br />
As always my life is crazy and I never know what is going to happen but I am still living it and seeing where it takes me and my sweet baby girl. </div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-3276347753879267102012-08-15T22:58:00.002-07:002012-08-15T22:58:42.216-07:00A Change... <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Looking through my old posts I feel like I have progressed and retracted even worse some things I feel like I am in the exact same position.<br />
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However, I think that it isn't entirely a bad thing. Just means I haven't made certain things a priority, because other things were.<br />
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I am going to admit something to the entire world. Since my pre-pregancy weight I have gained 85 pounds. WOW. I feel clumbsy, awkward and depressed. I thought maybe it was what I was eating, granted I haven't made the best eating choices and I love my Mt. Dew, however, a lot of it is because I don't eat enough and what I ate wasn't exactly the best thing for me. When I counted calories some day I only consumed 600! <br />
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I also have a water retention issue so half of the month I feel even more heavy and more awkward. I knew there was a problem and I thought I was doing everything I could. But, now that school is over and I have a moment to breathe I realize that I honestly didn't do enough. In July I lost 12lbs but it wasn't the good way and my doctor actually didn't like it. She said it was too fast and not the right way.<br />
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It has been nice now that school is done. Yay. The last four days in a row I have been doing some sort of physical activity. I feel much better, happier and I love how I feel afterwards. I am going to make it a goal to be a size 16, maybe 14, by the end of the year. There is another certain goal I have in mind and I am also wanting to wear this beautiful dress for that goal. (No, not getting married!) I am currently a size 18/20. I think if I continue a good eating habit, do a daily workout and every night do crunches I think that should easy be obtainable. I have no excuses and nothing to stop me.<br />
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I am not doing this for anyone but me and to avoid any possible health issues. I have a goal to do some backpacking next year, more than just hiking trip. So here it goes .<br />
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Today also would have been my nine year anniversary if I was still married. Interesting I barely gave it a thought. Just more like, a nostalgic sneeze. The more I grow the more I realize what I learned from it and what I want as I start my dating life again!</div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-40593783471629926212012-08-10T10:28:00.003-07:002012-08-10T10:28:54.947-07:00End of a College Era<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Thursday, August 9th, 2012 I walked out the door from Northwest College of Art and Design as a student. There was no fan fare, there was no marching band, no doves fluttering in the background. However, I walked out with someone who I now consider a best friend. We talked about how weird it was. It was almost too quite. It felt because of what had happened these last three and half years there should have been some kind of procession as we walked out. It was three straight years of blood, sweat, massive amount of tears for school with only two to three week breaks.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sBV05DCqPCc/UCVAM1F8bVI/AAAAAAAAAP8/UqODgQgVSFw/s1600/0421091351.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sBV05DCqPCc/UCVAM1F8bVI/AAAAAAAAAP8/UqODgQgVSFw/s200/0421091351.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SyYYcHYmAuk/UCVBeqnlsEI/AAAAAAAAAQc/VoI_QNzAkbg/s1600/0421091320a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SyYYcHYmAuk/UCVBeqnlsEI/AAAAAAAAAQc/VoI_QNzAkbg/s200/0421091320a.jpg" width="200" /></a>That morning I actually cried while I was driving to work, I work for a non-profit organization called Teen Talking Circles as an assistant to Linda Wolf. It has been an amazing opportunity. I cried because I remembered when I walked into my first apartment when I moved here. I had only one item I brought and it was a black and white geometric like painting. I stood out on the porch looking over the water. My heart was shattered because of the events that transpired previous to that moment but I was anxious for what was coming. There was no fanfare, no doves or marching band. It was quiet. I was alone. But little did I know what was going to happen during the next three years.<br />
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I experienced an amazing first roommate. She responded to my craigslist ad. She was quirky and interesting. As soon as I met her I knew she was perfect. I enjoyed that first year and half with her. I ended up living in four different places. I like where I am now despite the spiders and high heating bill. It feels like home.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-36dwdiOYS7A/UCVCCqJvLrI/AAAAAAAAAQs/5p1QObMGdBs/s1600/AliJuly2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-36dwdiOYS7A/UCVCCqJvLrI/AAAAAAAAAQs/5p1QObMGdBs/s200/AliJuly2010.jpg" width="200" /></a>I went through four relationships. Each one I learned a little bit more about myself and what I want in a partner. The longest and last one I had was 4 months total. It has been a while since my last one. I dated a lot. I fell in love twice. One which ended in hurt, hence the painting.<br />
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I made some lasting friendships. I am amazed by the amazing friends I now have that I have been blessed to have. I feel like some of them came at the right moment in my life. I know these individuals we will be friends for life and I am amazed by their love and support. <br />
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I walked away from my religion. I walked back to my religion. I experienced drinking, Seattle music scene and sat around those who enjoy weed. I ended up high once myself, actually makes for a funny story, but I definitely decided that wasn't for me. I enjoyed the ability to discover myself. I discovered and accepted aspects of me that even though I have came back to my religion I have a deeper understanding of who I am through all of that and makes me accept what I believe even more.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jEIle5qEmwg/UCVAz9bAokI/AAAAAAAAAQU/cB7YMm9Xu_0/s1600/ali2010_brianandsara_6452.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jEIle5qEmwg/UCVAz9bAokI/AAAAAAAAAQU/cB7YMm9Xu_0/s200/ali2010_brianandsara_6452.jpg" width="200" /></a>My family also went through alot. My brother, who attended with me, had cancer during our sophomore year. That was a trial and I am so proud of him. He also experienced a deep heart-aching loss during our Senior year, but yet he still trudged forth and is graduating with a higher GPA than me! He has an <i>amazing</i> wife to walk through with him. There is a reason they are my heroes. I will miss them when we part.<br />
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One of the greatest joys and challenges I faced was when I had my daughter. The emotions that have been a result of that. From guilt, that I gave up a son but accepted to raise a daughter, to realizing that she is my entire world and my rock. My saving grace that God gave me to keep me grounded. She gives me purpose. Even though I started the school with purpose she makes me focus and work a million times harder. She was meant to be in my life during time.<br />
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However, I couldn't have done it without help. I am so thankful for some beautiful ladies and her current daycare for their love, support and help. For their love they have shown my daughter. She is an amazing girl and it is because I doubt there was never a second that she didn't feel love. I hope they all realize that I couldn't have achieved my degree without their help in caring for her. Each one has an special place in my heart.<br />
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Before school I felt I was an amazing artist but the first day I was
humbled and realized I had to work harder than I ever had before. I
started as wanting Graphic Design and Fine Art majors. It had been a
struggle learning what skills and accepting what I had to work harder
at. Then they offered more majors. I accepted that fine art was not my
path and realized that my passion was indeed photography. I ended up with my B.F.A. in Visual Communications double
majoring in Photography and Graphic Design.<br />
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Obviously a lot more happened than that, like my few years working at WalMart and getting into writing music. I am ready for the next three years. Interesting to see what happens. I hope to fall in love again and get married, build up a career, provide for my daughter. Play with and teach my daughter as much as possible. The sun is shining this Friday morning. In my head, I hear a fanfare, the marching band and see the doves. Now, I am going to end this posting as the close of a chapter and going to play with my daughter.</div>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-81651351409608818852012-05-29T11:11:00.000-07:002012-05-29T11:13:23.462-07:00Happy 1st Birthday, Naomi!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on certain single adult adventures. Then, I look over and see the most beautiful sweet amazing baby girl and I realize that is not true. I am definitely not missing out.<br />
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Naomi's first birthday is today. I sometimes can't really believe it. It definitely doesn't feel like it has been a year already. I would be lying if I said it was easy. It was quite a challenge and I suspect that it will only get more challenging.<br />
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I know I didn't get to post as much as I hoped. Between her and school I sometimes wonder when I had time to breathe. I have developed friendships and built on my faith this past year. I have seen my family face loss and challenges as well as share hopes and joys.<br />
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I have been so blessed during this last year and I know I would not have been able to make it without this amazing support system. I was asked by her daycare provider, who is great, who helped raise her. I listed off a lot of people. I used to not believe that it takes a village to raise a child but I feel that I have been persuaded to think different. Naomi is a great spirit on her own, however, I am most certain that she is only more so because of that amount of love that she has received. She is so happy and bright. She has her moments don't get me wrong but whenever I feel sad I just look at her and she makes me smile.<br />
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I remember I was worried about postpartum depression because of the depression I felt while pregnant. However, that was not such the case, she if anything, helped my depression. My natural remedy. I just know that she will continue to bring joy and happiness to me and everyone around. I don't know how I ended up so blessed but God obviously knows what he is doing.<br />
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So Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl. May you forever keep your faith and spirit, and that you will continue to share your joy and happiness. You are my saving angel sent from God and I never will feel like I was missing out again. </div>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-7242012479361758532012-04-26T19:10:00.002-07:002012-04-26T19:10:57.393-07:00Just an update<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have started many posts but seem to never finish them. I suppose because so many things have happened I am not sure where to begin. I also upkeep my photographer blog but I suppose there others who read my more personal blog.<br />
<br />
My family went through an experience that was both spiritual and devistating. However, my sister-in-law and brother's strength is such an example and although we are grieving their loss together and I have experienced my own version of loosing a child I can't begin to explain how much I grieve for them. It was a beautiful experience in the sense that you really reflect your own beliefs and I felt how special their little boy was. Jace will be missed even though he was here for just a short time.<br />
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I made it through another semester. I scrapped by one class with a C. It seems to get more difficult. I believe that I am just tired of school and I am so close to finishing. I also feel so ready to go on with my life. I am however also scared. I want to be a photographer and that is a difficult career. I have to be deligent and active with seeking work and projects. I am applying for a part time job while I finish school but in my mind I keep saying "but, but, but my photography should be my job." However, it is difficult to get clients to do portraits when there are so many other established photographers that people know. I understand this. That is why I am going to work harder and not give up.<br />
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I know I am a talented photographer. I just need to stick with it and keep at it. I can't get discouraged. I have my daughter to take care of. I am looking forward to this project come September. I have a good feeling about it and I think it could become something more than we imagined.<br />
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Speaking of my daughter, she is almost a year. She is walking and happily saying "yeah" and "mama" all the time. I cannot believe how much she has grown. I don't see my little baby anymore I see a toddler! She is so amazing and so very smart. I think she is going to definitely give me a run for my money.<br />
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I feel like giving up some days but I feel the end is almost here. For now, I will enjoy snuggling with my daughter and trying my hardest to survive and make it through my final semester of school.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6QKwaXQHGiQ/T5oAHe0gibI/AAAAAAAAAOs/5dO4_vmw6Co/s1600/ali2012_tulipsfestival_0627.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6QKwaXQHGiQ/T5oAHe0gibI/AAAAAAAAAOs/5dO4_vmw6Co/s320/ali2012_tulipsfestival_0627.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-30717916525477740642012-01-27T00:16:00.000-08:002012-01-27T00:16:34.742-08:00Create, create, create...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Wow. So much has happened and I haven't really been keeping an update on my blog. I however am trying to keep a more professional like one.<br />
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That seems to be where all my energy is going towards. Building my portfolio, professional blogs and websites. I haven't shared my professional blog yet. I need to. I just am nervous about it. Perhaps here I will soon share.<br />
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Things are starting to happen it feels like. I am in my final two semesters of school. I have projects and a thesis to write. I feel like my creativity is exploding! I am trying to start a band, practicing once a week for leisure yet maybe have some kind of outcome. I am going to be doing a film project and incorporate that into some school projects. I am purchasing some photography equipment so I can promote myself and hopefully get some work. Planning a photography excursion coming in September. (You will here more about that.) And more!<br />
<br />
I have found that surrounding myself and pushing myself to focus on my creativity keeps me upbeat and positive. It is when I don't create I doubt myself. I am also trying to surround myself with those around me who are also wanting to create. I realized that the world is not going to come to me. I need to go to the world. I haven't taken any action. My maternity leave is over! <br />
<br />
Speaking of... my daughter is amazing. She is 8 months now! So crazy how time actually does fly. She is eating solids and pretty much crawling. She feels awkward at times but she is definitely growing and learning. She is saying "momma." Some would argue that is just her making sounds, maybe, but when she sees me and deliberately says it, I know she is calling for me. In fact sometimes she doesn't even say it unless she wants me. So, I am happy to hear that I taught her to say momma! I am excited to continue to watch her grow!<br />
<br />
I am happy to be getting involved in so much and I am happy to have my daughter. :)</div>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-46019037970237117732012-01-15T20:22:00.000-08:002012-01-15T20:22:18.887-08:00Step up!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today for another time I have heard a story that the girl and guy go out on some dates but all it leads to ambiguity if they are in a relationship or where it is heading. Now, I have accepted that it is difficult to date right now in my life because of school and being a single mom. However, hearing others claim that they have to have the "determine the relationship" discussion seems to be more and more frequent.<br />
<br />
Back when I first started to date 10 years ago everything seemed to be a bit more cut and dry. Why is it getting more and more difficult for the guy to decided that he does want to go exclusive with this girl he is spending frequent time with? I have to say, I am sure other women feel this way, that the guy needs to step up. Stop just being friends with the girl and get serious.<br />
<br />
Perhaps it is my age and realizing that we are not getting any younger that makes this more prevalent. If you want to get married sometime in your life then great, so step up. If you don't want to get married then don't lead a girl on and give her false hope. Be a man and step up. Granted, there are some women who are content just being friends but they generally let that be known from the beginning. Here is an insight my single male friends, that when a girl is continually showing you specific attention and you are continually going out, or you like to say "hanging out" then she is interested in you, so STEP UP!</div>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-18954336181609934702011-09-18T19:07:00.000-07:002011-09-18T19:07:31.201-07:00I Promise!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>5 Promises I Wish My Baby Could Comprehend </b></div>
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1. "Little One, I have been holding you for almost 5 hours straight. I am going to put you down now. You are going to be okay, I promise."<br />
<br />2. "The formula takes about 30 seconds to make. You are not going to die from starvation in that 30 seconds, I promise."<br />
<br />
3. "I wont let anyone hold you that will hurt you. It is okay to let someone else hold you and give your mom a break. I wont abandon you, I promise." <br />
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4. "I just went into the other room to get something. I wont leave you alone, I promise."<br />
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5. "I know I am making you cold by changing your diaper and clothes but don't worry, I am putting another one on. You cry when you are poopy anyway, make up your mind! You wont go without clothes or diapers, I promise!"<br />
<br />
"Seriously child, you are okay, I promise."</div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-59995061007860791892011-09-14T09:48:00.000-07:002011-09-14T09:49:34.454-07:00Open Mic Vidoes!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Here are the videos of my performance on Friday Sept. 9th 2011 at Forza Coffee Co. It was my first time ever performing at an open mic or anything the like. I loved it. I will be doing it again and I will write more songs. I felt so natural being behind the mic and on stage.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/BO1IA278tBQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/6GtBtXYM4UU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/q0c7Fdnb0vE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-83559935312306154022011-09-10T21:10:00.000-07:002011-09-10T21:10:45.825-07:00My First Open Mic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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About two months ago I was working on a project for my video
class. I chose to make a music video for one of my original songs. I thought
about writing a new one but then one day I brought my guitar to class and my
instructor happened to bring his guitar as well. I joked about it but he told
me to get mine and so I did. He then told me to play him an original song. I
awkwardly and embarrassingly started to play. Now at this point I was not
comfortable playing in front of people and would go quiet or extremely flat. I
have only sang solo very few times in my life, once in high school, once at
Grays Harbor College when I took voice lessons, at my Dad’s wedding and at my
brother’s wedding. I did okay in the high school but totally bombed college,
was super nervous for the weddings I think my voice cracked and I went flat. If
there were other times I don’t remember probably because I blocked them out. </div>
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However, I love to sing. I love to pull out my guitar and
create music. Every time I do I feel at peace with myself. When I was pregnant I
played my guitar to relax. However, I always wondered what was the point
writing this music if I was too scared to perform it for people. I did make a
CD with some songs I wrote awhile back but they are okay recordings and it was
great fun but I still wouldn’t say I was completely confident. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So here I was playing my song for my instructor and my two
classmates/friends. He tells me to play it again and so I do. I start playing
it and he jumps in with some amazing guitar riffs. Then my friend jumps in and
starts singing the harmony with me. And it was like that was the key that
opened the door. I loved it. I was walking on air. So it began. After finding
out that my instructor plays in a band with his significant other I was
flattered when he kept saying my song was really good. Then when I was playing
it and his partner was around she too said it was good I am not sure why that
gave me the confidence I needed but it was certainly the right keys.</div>
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I started to toy with the idea of performing at an open mic.
I set the date. September 9<sup>th</sup>. I had two songs already so I wanted a
third. I finished writing a third song. Before I felt like I could do it I
decided to start playing for my friends anytime we had a gathering. I was so
nervous but then it got easier and fun. When I went camping a guy that was
camping across from us played the guitar and he did open mics so he gave me
some pointers.I played for him and he said they were good. With all of this
positive feedback I figured if I was that horrible SOMEONE would say something
if I was that horrible.</div>
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Per suggestion I decided to go to the open mic at Forza
Coffee Company. My friend Mandi, who is also a singer/songwriter, wanted to do
it as well which totally helped me have the courage to do it. Since we arrived
early we were second and third on the list. I was third. I will forever be
grateful for Mandi going before me. I am not entirely sure I would have had the
same confidence if I didn’t see my friend do it first and survive! </div>
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It was so great that so many friends and family came to
support Mandi and I. The place was pretty low key and our posse took up half of
the space. When I got up there I wasn’t really all that nervous. I am not
entirely sure as too why but I guess I was confident in my ability. I was situated
in front of the mic and soon I was singing my first song. I did mess up on the first
set of chords but I didn’t let that slow me down or stop me. I soon was into it
and loving every minute. </div>
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I hate to brag but I will. I did amazing! I think it was the
best I ever performed. I don’t think. I know. I know because of the compliments
that I had received afterwards, not just from my posse but from others there,
which totally makes me feel great. One lady told me that I had a very beautiful voice. I am happy that I was able to perform well
so that everyone could enjoy it. I guess there even some teary eyes at one of
the songs. I still have a very long way to go to be a solid performer but I am
certainly not going to stop now that I realize how comfortable I am behind the
mic. </div>
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<br /></div>
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All I know is this new amazing feeling and that I am still
on a high. I just know that I am continually building my talent for music and I
am excited to see where I go with it. I have worked really hard since the 7th grade to get where I am at. When I was little I actually wrote that I hated to sing! My mom told me in 7th grade that if I was going to sing that I needed to sing correctly. So that is what I have been working on and now it is one of my ultimate passions. Especially after open mic night! </div>
</div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-77066675772522306942011-09-01T10:11:00.000-07:002011-09-01T10:11:25.617-07:00I Almost Have It All<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The other day someone said to me that I look great. I felt like it was misrepresented at first but then when I stopped to think about it. I am great because I almost have it all.<br />
<br />
I have to admit there for a while I was in a huge rut. Unmotivated, uninspired and unwilling. I think what catipaulted the change was moving into my own place. I remember the day before I was ready to explode and I felt like giving up on everything. Then the next day I found this little home and it's been a huge life changing blessing.<br />
<br />Since then I have done a ton of photography to increase my portfolio so that I can be able to promote myself to hopefully start making money. Also, I have written and started to play original songs for others and set a date to play at an open mic night. <br />
<br />
I feel that because I now have sense of independence and increased responsibility I feel like I need to do more. Honestly, I almost have it all. I have my photography, my home, my school, my music and most importantly my daughter. I feel so blessed and in awe.<br />
<br />
I guess I owe the man upstairs one rather large hug, and those who know me know I do not give them out lightly. </div>
Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-7064268559511562882011-08-13T00:04:00.000-07:002011-08-13T00:18:07.845-07:00Questions and AnswersToday was full of answers and yet more questions.
<br />
<br />The other day Naomi wasn't feeling well and I got woken up to her throwing up every where. So scary to wake up hearing your baby choking on her own throw up. I don't even think my feet hit the floor when I jumped out of my bed. After going to the dr's that even which was supposed to just check her weight because she was gaining weight so slowly, it came to the conclusion she should go to the ER. After being in the ER for five hours it was only concluded that her potassium level was too high. Not understanding what that was I was sent on our way to see the dr again the next day. At the drs they poked her again to get more blood. She seems to be okay off and on. The blood results came back with more potassium. So they are going to do a different kind of blood test to see if it really is that high. Let's pray that is is not.
<br />
<br />I am not sure what it all means but there is stomach bug going around. I am ever so closely monitoring her. I am sure she will be okay. It is just so sad to see something so small not feel well and not really know why. She can't say "Mommy, my tummy hurts." but she does the best she can to communicate when she cries or snuggles into me.
<br />
<br />I also got an answer to something I have so desperately waited for. I cried but only because I no longer have this question over my head. What happens next I am not so sure. Only time will tell.
<br />
<br />I am moving tomorrow, well mostly, and I am super excited. We have a life to build in our new home. It is just perfect. I have been blessed with some surprise income and I am working towards being able to make money doing portrait photography. I took pictures today of someone and they turned out pretty good.
<br />
<br />Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-31245697710429335912011-08-07T08:22:00.000-07:002011-08-07T08:49:27.658-07:00Taking a leap of faithI felt that there needed to be a change in my life and I've been changing a lot of things from relationships I am involved in to living situations. After having my daughter all I worry about is what I am doing is not only going to be good for me but will it mostly be good for her.<br /><br />There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.<br /><br />Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.<br /><br />I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.<br /><br />Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.<br /><br />We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .<br /><br />I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.<br /><br />Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-18793610574933676222011-08-03T21:59:00.000-07:002011-08-03T22:11:26.681-07:00Quick Update...Wow. What a crazy couple of weeks. I haven't written much on here or posted any pictures lately because I have been so crazy busy. I thought I would make a quick update.<br /><br />Good news is that Naomi is starting to finally get bigger! Yay. She finally hit 10lbs! I can't believe she is already two months old. She is doing good with the formula. I still feel sad I had to stop but I still feel like it was the right choice. She is an amazing little baby. So very relaxed most of the time. She does get bored fairly easily and right now she is in "I want my mommy" phase! She loves when guys hold her but not so much a female. It is strange. She is definitely a momma's girl. Can't say I didn't plan for that. Ha! She is also extremely talkative. I am teaching her to say "hi grandma." I think we got the hi part down. She loves to watch TV and the mobile over her bed. Haha. That is so my little girl!<br /><br />I'm almost done with this school semester. I can't wait. I am not sure I've passed my classes but we shall see. I did what I could do and that was the best for me. (Hence me ignoring this blog.) I am sure it will all work out in the end. I have been also trying to get back into shape. I dislike not being where I was at before pregnancy so I am trying to get back and then some. Right now I am size 18/16 at 269lbs. I can definitely loose that and get back into shape! Every day I push my self and the more jogging I get to do the better I will get.<br /><br />I am not sure what the future has in store. I am just trying to figure out right now. I am hoping the routes I am going are the right ones and that it can help me out. I need daycare, I need a job to get daycare, I need daycare to get a job. Yeah. Confusing. I still have bouts of sadness and anxiety about things but the one thing I am trying to have is faith. Faith that it will all work out. I did give Naomi the middle name Faith because it reminds me that I had faith she would come and now I have to have faith that everything will be okay. God is on my side I just know it.Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-59344273127725712202011-07-23T22:30:00.000-07:002011-07-23T22:57:16.530-07:00Oh yeah, I have a blog.Well, I feel bad. I have not written on here in almost a month. So many good things have happened this month and it has been extremely busy!<br /><br />Bad things first... I am afraid to say that I am switching to formula. I have attempted to breastfeed but after my trip to Utah it has come to my realization that I just don't give her enough. She is still very small and the WIC lady made me feel almost extra sad by the fact that she is only 8lbs 13oz at two months old. Apparently that is lower than the 25 percentile with her height which is almost 22". I have tried to stick with it but when it comes to feeding her she never seems satisfied and is extremely fussy. It has been a challenge to do it with my hectic lifestyle with school and other activities. I feel good about the decision if that means she will start gaining weight instead of loosing it.<br /><br />On to the good things. On July 10th she had her Baby Blessing which her Grandpa Lockwood was able to do. She cried the entire time! Of course! It frazzled Grandpa a little but he still gave a great blessing and talked about her name being named after Naomi from the bible. Her name was inspired by God and so I hope she does remember that all her life. She is definitely a very special spirit. My brother and his family came. It was wonderful to see them! I love them all so very much and wish they lived closer to see them more often. Afterwards we had a bbq at my other brother's house. And some friends also showed. It was great to have to much love there for my little girl.<br /><br />We took a trip down to Utah. I should write a whole blog about that! I missed some classes to go luckily I made up time so that I could do that. It was great! Absolutely wonderful that I got to see my family. I miss my Grandma so so very much and to see her turn 80 was a truly a blessing. I am thrilled that she got to meet her great granddaughter. I also got to meet my nieces some for the first time! Such wonderful beautiful girls. I almost want to move to Texas just so I can be there for them. I absolutely adore them all! In fact, we should all just move to one location to all be together. It was great to meet my new sister-in-law and see my brother. My trip went fairly easy with Naomi. My parents were happy I am sure that they got sleep at night because she sleeps for so many hours at a time. (Speaking of, I think I should wake her and feed her and let her play so I can get some sleep tonight.) My Grandma's birthday party was amazing from, the bagpipe player to all of her quilts and family being there. Truly wonderful party to celebrate such a wonderful woman.<br /><br />Speaking of my Grandma. I think I should dedicate a whole blog to her. I am reading her life story right now what she wrote and just after reading the introduction I got teary eyed. I am anxious to read the rest of her story. I am truly grateful to have such an amazing humble woman for my Grandma. I admire her on so many deep levels. She is so very special to me. I am so thankful she took the time to write out her life story. I am grateful I keep journals and this blog that I too may someday write my story for my children.<br /><br />This last month I have been thinking of needing to do some major overhaul. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is going to be a challenge but I think it will be the right choices in the long run. I had a dream that Joseph Smith, the prophet that restored the gospel in the latter days, came to me teaching me about the Gospel and it occurred three times. First time I barely listened, the third time I partially listened and then the third time I fully listened. Each time he said to me over and over again "it is important that you know this." It was a simple dream in the end.<br /><br />Since those dreams I have felt restless. I have begun reading the Book of Mormon to start. I believed so much in it before I must know that it is true and to have a dream like that must be something I need to do. I hope I can make the right decisions and best decisions for me and my daughter.<br /><br />Obviously it is important.Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-21670929956516315942011-06-29T16:20:00.000-07:002011-06-29T16:57:56.339-07:00One Month Already!I can't believe that it has already been one month. I feel like it has went by really fast but at the same time strangely slow. It has been quite an adventure thus far. I have experienced crazy sleeping patterns and being completely swollen from water retention. (That is now starting to go down since I got some pills. Yay.)<br /><br />I am still so amazed that I have a beautiful baby girl. She is mine and I helped create her. She is certainly becoming a Momma's girl and I can't say that is a horrible thing. I love this little girl to pieces and I am excited for our future.<br /><br />This little girl is amazing. She is more alert when I look at her. This morning I said "I love you my little baby girl!" and she smiled at me! Love it! So I got her to smile for me later. Photo session again!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gFwC-E6f1A0/Tgu5ETDceaI/AAAAAAAAALQ/Us0X2CPHnWc/s1600/ali2011_naomi1month_1208.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gFwC-E6f1A0/Tgu5ETDceaI/AAAAAAAAALQ/Us0X2CPHnWc/s320/ali2011_naomi1month_1208.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623792043187534242" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pg0t_EwN8Kw/Tgu4asbkWOI/AAAAAAAAALA/J2LiMw5ktLc/s1600/ali2011_naomi1month_1189.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pg0t_EwN8Kw/Tgu4asbkWOI/AAAAAAAAALA/J2LiMw5ktLc/s320/ali2011_naomi1month_1189.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623791328445094114" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iLa-t3ydlGI/Tgu4ZwC-46I/AAAAAAAAAK4/euK7sT9zT9c/s1600/ali2011_naomi1month_1187.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iLa-t3ydlGI/Tgu4ZwC-46I/AAAAAAAAAK4/euK7sT9zT9c/s320/ali2011_naomi1month_1187.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623791312235848610" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QiVg9x9E0cA/Tgu4azl4LXI/AAAAAAAAALI/J0WKhdQ82pA/s1600/ali2011_naomi1month_1192.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QiVg9x9E0cA/Tgu4azl4LXI/AAAAAAAAALI/J0WKhdQ82pA/s320/ali2011_naomi1month_1192.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623791330367384946" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jdSpPQZYI8g/Tgu4ZpNlsZI/AAAAAAAAAKw/jkP6rGaPeKQ/s1600/ali2011_naomi1month_1182.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 262px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jdSpPQZYI8g/Tgu4ZpNlsZI/AAAAAAAAAKw/jkP6rGaPeKQ/s320/ali2011_naomi1month_1182.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623791310401286546" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s-dIsBXooRM/Tgu4Zf04aLI/AAAAAAAAAKo/VZF09SiVFXg/s1600/ali2011_1month_1178.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s-dIsBXooRM/Tgu4Zf04aLI/AAAAAAAAAKo/VZF09SiVFXg/s320/ali2011_1month_1178.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623791307881736370" border="0" /></a>Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1804543823430562535.post-11494190710789351112011-06-25T11:34:00.000-07:002011-06-25T11:45:06.692-07:00The Unexpected.Life. It is so unpredictable. It is strange and curious. This journey I have gone through thus far has been interesting to say the least. I know I have been slacking writing in here which really has nothing to do with my baby. We are starting to get settled in. Things are starting to feel normal and working out.<br /><br />The major thing is that someone specific and special in my life is starting to be more in it again. I thought that basically this would never happen. I understand some of my family and friend's reactions to it but I can't help but feel good to go with it. However, I am afraid that a certain aspect is causing this comeback but deep down I honestly don't think it is.<br /><br />I am so anxious to do the paternity test. Considering that was a major part of my depression for so very long. I am sure all parties are wanting to know. I feel like so much right now is riding on the results of it but I do suffer from anxiety and paranoia at times.<br /><br />Another unexpected thing was at school on Thursday, at whim playing my song for my class and my instructor getting out his guitar and my friend harmonizing and then and there we almost completed my song. It was amazing. I love writing and playing music. It feels so good and that it mends a piece of my heart every time. I am very desirous to continue this further. Especially since I got a positive response.<br /><br />Right now... I am not entirely sure what the future intends. I am curious to see it through and want to go with it. I do know, however, this is the happiest I have felt in a very very long time.Artsy Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12313564913037751777noreply@blogger.com0