Faith

I found out the gender on Thursday, January 6th. Thursday was a special day over all. It was a day for a very fond memory from three years ago so I was happy to spend it thinking about my baby and finding out it's gender.

I hardly slept the night before and luckily my dreams were about playing PS2 games, specifically SSX3 and Star Wars Battlefront. (Man, I want to play those right now!) But needless to say you think I would have been at the office door before it opened like a teenage girl waiting for the twentieth Twilight book to come out. But me still being me we were 5 minutes late. I say we, my best guy friend/housemate came with me for moral support.

The lady was really great, the ultrasound technician I suppose is what she is called? She asked right away if I wanted to know the gender and I said "YES" quite exuberantly. This was it, I was getting to see my baby and know for sure what gender I felt it was.

It was amazing.

I can't describe it fully but if you have the chance to see it as a witness or be a mom and witness it first hand you would not be disappointed. Watching it move and feeling it at the same time was just plain... amazing. I actually started to get teary eyed! The baby moved a lot which was awesome and it was fun hearing things being pointed out like the brain, the blood flow, the hands and feet. The baby moved it's hands, I swear it was waving at me! Then the technician pointed out some crazy anatomy followed by "...make it a girl." I definitely had tears fall then.

Now, I have to do a bit of explanation that is definitely personal but it explains a whole lot and I would like to share it with you because it is to me, very beautiful. I had an special experience where I knew I would have at least three children. Two non biological boys and the third I would conceive and carry and her name would be Naomi. I was a mother to two beautiful foster boys, whom I still call my sons even though they are adopted into other wonderful families, so I knew someday I would conceive and carry a girl named Naomi. I based my faith on this. I know some say faith is more but it was all I had for a time and those who really know me know the importance of holding onto this tiny bit of faith. Oddly enough the story of Naomi in the bible in the Book of Ruth was quite close to the story of me and how I felt about God. Well, after an intense conversation with my mom in August I almost thought that last bit of faith was going to be lost. There were some words said at a certain place and so when my mom and I were talking about it I told her that someday having Naomi was the last bit of faith I had left and if God took that from me then I knew I couldn't believe in him anymore. It wasn't a threat but more of a worry. I knew I wasn't perfect but there was so much I was struggling with so I had to hold on to something.

When I got pregnant unexpectedly and unconventionally despite so many things, how I felt and decisions I made I knew deep down that baby just had to be Naomi. Don't get me wrong, boy or girl, I still would be just as thrilled and excited, but something inside told me it had to be her. The technician even made sure she was 99% certain it is a girl and said she was only wrong once in 27 years and that was when she did make sure she was 99% certain. (Plus the ultrasound picture looks like a girl if you ask me.)

So it seemed fitting that not only do I name her Naomi as I was told to do 6 years ago but also her middle name be Faith. She has certainly restored my faith in God, divine knowledge and guidance. She is such a special spirit to me just like my two boys. I am not saying it going to be easy and I am going to completely believe right away but I do know its helped me want to believe again for sure.

I know this blog was pretty intense and I hope you don't take my words lightly or judge me. I've shared a lot in this blog that is personal and special so I hope it inspires you and helps you understand where I am coming from and the importance of this baby to me. She isn't just a baby or biological form. She is a Daughter of God sent to me that I must raise, and teach and care for. I will help Naomi see and understand the world, love and as well as know God and have her decide for herself what she will believe in.

I cannot wait for Naomi Faith to enter this beautiful world.