So today I felt the emotions. It's been getting harder for me to fall asleep at night and therefore more difficult to wake up in the mornings or do the late night feedings. I think in turn that is starting to take an emotional toll.
Today was extremely difficult for some reason. I had woken up with the plan to do my homework. Which I stuck too but it was getting harder to concentrate on it as the day wore on. I worked on a little bit of everything since I have so much to catch up on. I may cut my losses on some assignments we shall see. At 1 in the afternoon I had fed the baby for the umpteenth (that's an actual word?) time and we played for a while. Finally she had fallen asleep by 3. I thought it would be a great opportunity to push on some homework. But by 4pm I couldn't stand it any longer. My eyes were drooping. I decided a nap was needed in case my little vampire decided to be awake till 2 am again.
Right when I made it there I found myself fighting the sleep but finally I could feel my body drifting. I took note of the time right before I knew sleep was eminent. 4:15ish. Then bam. Not fussing but crying from the crib. Eyes open. I got 5 minutes of sleep. I layed there hoping she would fall back asleep but no, crying got more intense so I got up feeling the fighting of the need to sleep which was more intense now. It is so difficult to go from the second you fall asleep to being awake again. Not possible.
To make matters worse she was in all kinds of a frenzy and then I started to change her diaper. But, she just wouldn't stop pooping and peeing!! It went everywhere! So here I am barely functioning due to jarring 5 minute sleep and she is freaking out! I am trying to be calm about it but I am like "Are you kidding me!? Stop pooping!" Trying to clean up the poop, trying to find a diaper that isn't the same size as her. (Ran out of newborn ones but had size 1's somewhere.) I was ready to just start crying because I knew she just needed to stop pooping so I could feed her again. It had been a few hours. When my roommate came in and I have this saying a lot "Goodness gracious little one" so she came in and said that. I think I gave her the death glare and I said "no, it's damnit little one! She wont stop pooping! It's getting everywhere" (Okay, so I am laughing about it now but it was NOT funny at the time.) My roommate offered to hold her I told her no. It wouldn't have done any good because I knew part of her reasons for screaming like a banshee was that she was hungry. So handing her off would be unproductive. Plus, she was pooping yet again in the new diaper so I would have to change it third time in a five second span!
Finally she stopped pooping and I fed her. By about 5:15 she was asleep once again. I questioned if I should sleep but I decided too. We slept for a long while. But then, she was hungry and I was hungry with a headache. I thought, no worries, I will feed her and she will fall back asleep and I will get to eat. It is 8:30 at this point.
Good plans never pan out. Here it was11:30 she had snacked for the entire three hours and wouldn't go to sleep. I was now starving to where I was nauseous. Everytime she drifted off to sleep and I put her down in her crib she would awake and start crying. My friend that I was talking to online pointed out that I would have to do the "let her cry" deal. Do you realize that when she pushes out her little bottom lip and looks up at me with those dark brown eyes and screams "maaaaaaaaaamaaaaaa" how impossible it is to just let her cry?! Impossible!
I did it although, here it is 1am. I made a dinner that ended up being horrible but it is substance. (By the way, you cannot make beef stew meat patties.) But she has been sleeping for about an hour and now I am afraid to try and sleep and repeat what happened earlier.
I did cry a little. I thought right now a partner would be good to have. But, I did it. I guess today other than the first night was the first day I felt very overwhelmed but it was all to do with the fact I needed to sleep but got pulled out of it and the idea I have a ton of homework to catch up on and not being in class to get that extra instruction makes it harder to do.
Tomorrow is the same thing; homework but with some shopping thrown in. Saturday is my birthday and I do have something planned which I am slightly nervous for but hopefully will be fun. But, hopefully tomorrow there wont be an explosion of poop.
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