I felt that there needed to be a change in my life and I've been changing a lot of things from relationships I am involved in to living situations. After having my daughter all I worry about is what I am doing is not only going to be good for me but will it mostly be good for her.
There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.
Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.
I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.
Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.
We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .
I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.
Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.
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