Two years ago I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. On February 6th 2009 I agreed to a divorce. Who knew what that would bring. Most importantly who knew that two years later despite everything it still stings.
I suppose it is a wound that although it heals will always have some scar tissue or the bad knee that aches when it rains.
It was weird because this week I was feeling overly emotional for some reason and it didn't hit me as to why until I realized that it was indeed February. I didn't know what bugged me more, the significance of the date of things or the fact I didn't exactly remember. But, when I looked at the calendar I was also shocked that it had already been two years.
Who knew two years from the time I agreed to not be married anymore that here I would be making another huge decision to quit my part time job. February 6th just might be a date in history for me for make big decisions.
Two years ago sitting across from my ex on the overly enveloping falling apart tan couch agreeing to a divorce I was admittedly feeling a bit excited for the future but I didn't expect to experience the biggest heartache in my entire life and didn't realize that two years later I would laying in bed feeling life inside of me move. Both emotional, both met with trepidation and excitement.
Quitting my job was a huge decision and indeed will just add some hardships to my already hard life. But there is one thing I have always stood by. Even in High School when my adviser, who was also the librarian, told me to be serious when I wrote down that I wanted to be a starving artist on what I wanted to do for a career. I knew even in high school that I wouldn't be me and I would be happy if I didn't do what I loved. But I got distracted once and then got back on track but I got distracted again.
I had a job that didn't even pay my bills to send me down in this misery and depression. When I made the choice to quit I got excited thinking about that time and energy spent on my photography and art. I am now looking forward to the future because I will be doing what I love to do and that matters to me more than working a part time retail job that has nothing to do with what I want to do for my future.
I will still give my daughter what she needs and hopefully this hard work now will pay off but most importantly we will be happy. She will see that excitement and love of life that I have.
I wouldn't be able to do this right now if it weren't for my Mom. Someday somehow I will repay that special person who has unselfishly helped me out and I couldn't follow my heart if it wasn't for her. I hope she understands. Soon I can get to a point that I don't need her and she can do what she loves. I will return what she has given and sacrificed for me and that is too make my art career successful. And when I stress out and suffer at a retail job putting my art aside to handle this job feels like I am taking advantage of her. Now is my chance to start my art career and because of her I am given that chance.
This is for my Mom and Dad. This is for my daughter. This is for all those who support and believe in me. And this is for me.
I am an artist. I always will be. No more different paths and distractions. You will see two years from now...
I suppose it is a wound that although it heals will always have some scar tissue or the bad knee that aches when it rains.
It was weird because this week I was feeling overly emotional for some reason and it didn't hit me as to why until I realized that it was indeed February. I didn't know what bugged me more, the significance of the date of things or the fact I didn't exactly remember. But, when I looked at the calendar I was also shocked that it had already been two years.
Who knew two years from the time I agreed to not be married anymore that here I would be making another huge decision to quit my part time job. February 6th just might be a date in history for me for make big decisions.
Two years ago sitting across from my ex on the overly enveloping falling apart tan couch agreeing to a divorce I was admittedly feeling a bit excited for the future but I didn't expect to experience the biggest heartache in my entire life and didn't realize that two years later I would laying in bed feeling life inside of me move. Both emotional, both met with trepidation and excitement.
Quitting my job was a huge decision and indeed will just add some hardships to my already hard life. But there is one thing I have always stood by. Even in High School when my adviser, who was also the librarian, told me to be serious when I wrote down that I wanted to be a starving artist on what I wanted to do for a career. I knew even in high school that I wouldn't be me and I would be happy if I didn't do what I loved. But I got distracted once and then got back on track but I got distracted again.
I had a job that didn't even pay my bills to send me down in this misery and depression. When I made the choice to quit I got excited thinking about that time and energy spent on my photography and art. I am now looking forward to the future because I will be doing what I love to do and that matters to me more than working a part time retail job that has nothing to do with what I want to do for my future.
I will still give my daughter what she needs and hopefully this hard work now will pay off but most importantly we will be happy. She will see that excitement and love of life that I have.
I wouldn't be able to do this right now if it weren't for my Mom. Someday somehow I will repay that special person who has unselfishly helped me out and I couldn't follow my heart if it wasn't for her. I hope she understands. Soon I can get to a point that I don't need her and she can do what she loves. I will return what she has given and sacrificed for me and that is too make my art career successful. And when I stress out and suffer at a retail job putting my art aside to handle this job feels like I am taking advantage of her. Now is my chance to start my art career and because of her I am given that chance.
This is for my Mom and Dad. This is for my daughter. This is for all those who support and believe in me. And this is for me.
I am an artist. I always will be. No more different paths and distractions. You will see two years from now...
awww, I loved this post. I admire the fact that you are so fearless and strive to do what you want to do to be happy, even if it's a little scary to do so. I wish I could be like that - honestly! I think you are going to be just fine - you are talented and gifted and special Ali. :) and yay for your mom and dad...they are awesome people.
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