Relationship Lengths: The Logic of Three

This post stems from a fun conversation I had the other night and my logical, or illogical, break down of the amount of time of stages in a relationship. I call it Logic of Three.

Three Day Stage. It takes three days of solid communication to get to know someone to make you realize that you want to see or talk to them frequently. It can start with a first date but sometimes it ends with the first date. With our abilities to communicate in so many ways it is either via texting or long telephone conversations. As time progresses and dates more frequent during this three week period it then leads to the next stage, Three Week Stage.

Three Week Stage. After three weeks you pretty much know if you are heading into the next stage or that it is time to just remain friends. This is what the new kids are calling "Determine the Relationship" or a DTR discussion. This is what makes the next stage happen. If you determine that you actually want to be serious it usually happens after three weeks of solid communication and dating. This DTR discussion can take one night to up to a week to establish. If it is a nae, then that sucks but usually the friendship has been saved. If it is a yea, then onto the next, Three Month Stage.

Three Month Stage. This starts after the DTR is established. During the three month stage a lot of the making an impression attitude wears off and real life seeps in a little bit more. At the end of three months it is usually the point where you know if the relationship is doomed or has a potential. Sometimes you hold on a month or two longer to see if you are just scared or really feeling the end. But if the relationship does end you pretty much can pin point it to the three month mark that things started to change or manifest itself to doom-hood. Sometime you can remain friends but usually at this point if there is a break-up the friendship is over too.

Now, there are exceptions to the rule. Also, it doesn't have to be consecutive but it makes it that much more successful if it is. There is part of the logic that comes at three years too. But, that is more in depth and complicated and I can't reveal all in case I decide to write a book about this. But, that was a brief description about my Logic of Three in a relationship. 

You have to admit it is pretty accurate and logical. I have had, and have witnessed, many relationships to come to this logical conclusion. 

Auld Lang Syne

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.  

I think this song has more meaning to me this year seeing that I have made some major changes in the last year. As I have been moping around the house all day because I extremely miss my friends up north. I realized that part of my reasons because I truly do miss them and hope that they don't forget me and I forget them.

Reflection on this last year amazes me how much my family went through, how much my daughter has grown. She speaks so much and understands way more. Incredible!  I have gone through so many personal, physical and spiritual changes.

New love, loss, grief, pain, joy, achievments, moving, new, rekindled, here there and everwhere in between it makes me wonder what this next year will bring. Some things old will stay and some things new will come but whatever it is, I am looking forward to it. 

I may love again, loose again, find joy and pain again... achieve goals, find new and rekindle old... here or there and everywhere in between I really do look forward to 2013.

(Wow this post is kind of poetic.)

Happy New Year 

to my 

wonderful and amazing

Friends and Family!    

Fog

Well, good news first. I am down 41lbs! So excited! (All just from jogging a few times a week and being careful what I eat.)

Today on my jog the air was thick and heavy with fog. Out of all the days I decided to try and wear a pull over sweater. I felt like I was wearing ten extra pounds. But as the jog went on I got used to the sweater.

Now, my new path where I live now, which is back in my old hometown, it on a road that is mostly straight for a good portion of the route. But there are some curves. As I headed out this morning I was a bit concered about the fog. It was pretty thick and I was afraid that traffic, even though it is sporadic, may not see me. But, I pressed on. I was wearing bright colors and most of the places are safe for me to jump off the road if need be.

Now, being in the back country there is also a concern of animals. There was a report of a, I believe a bobcat, the other week. I am on guard when I am jogging. I do pass by a couple of farms with mostly cows and chickens but so far so good. However, today in this thick fog I can see a black shadow moving up head. I question if I should still be jogging or just stop and go home. I couldn't stop. I have a goal to jog everyday and I wasn't going to let some mountain lion or creature get in my way! As I got closer I could clearly see it was a dog. Still on guard I passed it. It started to chase me! However, I looked over and saw this huge grin and it's long pink tongue hanging out. I only laughed and continued on. Eventually it lost interested and went off onto the Golf Course.

As I was jogging through the fog and listening to epic music. I thought back to the dog and how I wasn't sure what it was. I thought of my life and how it does feel like I am going through the fog. That I see black shadowy things that make me scared and want to just stop and turn around. I feel like I am wearing so many heavy sweaters but they do get lighter.

I have had so many ups and downs and hopes and failures in the last month and half. Between being homeless, careless and relationships. However, as I am coming through the fog things that look big and scary have not been such. They end up being good and make me laugh.

Again, I am still pressing forward. I am hopeful of things to come. I still don't know where some important things are going to lead but I feel like I have a lot to accomplish and I am going to be okay and finish my jog even though I can't see clearly ahead.

Homelessness and Thanksgiving

I know it has been a while since I updated this, not entirely sure who reads it, but regardless I am sending my thoughts and life out into the world.

Things in my life have been up in the air. Like I said, I left my little trailer home in Silverdale. This life as a nomad isn't entirely what it is cracked up to be. I am grateful for my friends and family that have opened their home to my daughter and I. I have slept in 5 different homes in the last two weeks. If anything I have learned from this gypsie lifestyle is that I am definitely no gypsie.

It is a need for me to know where I am going home too. In the past I can honestly say I was not that way, I think I would be okay but now but, I have a daughter to think about, who magically has done considerably well for what she has been put through. Yet, she will have to endure craziness for at least another week as I will be here and there and there in between.

So, as it is Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. It feels like I am more aware of it than in the past. As my heart is full and my belly will soon be too. I am thankful to be with my mom on this day, it is just her, Naomi and I. It is probably going to be one of the greatest Thanksgivings. Not that the others were or will be great but I am thankful that I am not out in the cold, hungry and alone. That even my state of homelessness I have had places to go that have been warm and inviting.

They say home is where the heart is. That means I at least have 5 different homes because my heart and love is at least in those five places.

However, I am going to be staying with my mom for a time while she also is giving her life a reset. I think it will be great that we can encourage and help each other figure out what is next in our lives. I will be working and looking for work, practicing the piano, building my faith and jogging as much as possible during my time here. 

I didn't expect Raymond to be a temporary home ever again but I am looking forward too it. (As long as my mom can deal with me! Ha.)

Jogging Rant

Yesterday, I jogged my two mile route in about 15 minutes. To me that was a great victory. That was like 7.5 minute mile. Okay, so I am not yet a marathon runner. But today, today I thought I would push myself and do better than yesterday. Why not?

Either, I psyched my self out or the fact I got only three hours of sleep and battled a major charlie horse in my leg in the middle of that three hour sleep, prevented me from my goal.

Between the continual cramping in my leg and the feeling of wanting to vomit all over the road I barely made it all the way around.

I couldn't even the jog the hill.

I know, we all have bad days when it comes to jogging and working out. But still. I value my jogging time, I really only get to do it two days a week, I love how it gets me feeling good and motivated.

Not today.

Jogging

Back in June I was weighed and it was a shock to me. The weight that I was I didn't feel like I weighed that much and I looked in the mirror with rose colored glasses. I always thought that if my boobs were out further than my stomach than I was alright.

Well, my breasts grew too so that was illogical hypothesis.

Now, admitting this is kind of making me feel foolish. I never felt like I over ate or that over indulged myself. Yes, I liked having the occasional treat. I began to find that it wasn't just that I didn't eat right but in actuality I never ate enough. With my busy life as a single mom and college full-time I would go almost a day to two days without hardly eating a thing, my calorie intake on average was only 600 a day. Not. Healthy.

I started to take action. I paid more attention to what and when I was eating and my life, especially since school has finished, is more active. I have gone on a ton of hikes, hiked 27 miles on my trip, and I am exercising, mostly jogging three to four days a week. I want to do more. I have no idea what I am at now but I am not so concerned because I am taking action.

But here are some things I have been experiencing on my jogs:

I started off barely being able to jog my two mile route. There is an awkward hill that is deceiving. The 45degree grade is shockingly hard to jog up. It looks like a nice gradual incline but it definitely isn't. But over all I mostly walked it. Then I soon was jogging more of it, until I got to that hill. For about a week I would hit that hill and stop. I told a friend that the next week I would jog that entire route. And I did. I made it up that hill. I thought it was a fluke but every time since I have jogged my entire two mile route including the hill. I no longer call it going on my walg or going walgging but indeed, I am jogging.

The other day on my jog, and I don't wear my glasses when I jog, I heard something behind me and at first glance I thought it was coyote so I picked up my pace. Then getting an idea I turned around to scare it away and to my finding it was just a Min Pin dog! That made me laugh.

I am not as self-conscious as I thought. On my route I travel through very busy parts, a busy road and school zone. There is something about fat girl jogging. But anything, I feel like I am saying to the world, I am not a lazy person and I do care about myself to do something about it. It is better when I am pushing Naomi, although she is getting super heavy to push, because it says "yes, I popped this out and now I have to get my body back." All in all I don't care what people think. I jogged at the Grand Forest and was afraid there were too many people there but I jogged anyway.

Jogging in the morning is the best time, and more so in the fall! I have my epic music on and when that sun appears and I feel its warmth it is this amazing magical moment. It is so beautiful in the morning and it is a great way to start my day. I love the fog lifting and the cold crisp air.

I love jogging. I loved it when I ran cross country in high school. I am sad I didn't have the confidence then to really run the events but I loved it. I love the moment of euphoria that strikes right when you are about to give up. Jogging is my way of finding my center and giving me the strength to handle life's challenges.

I need to do it more than just a few days a week.

Things that I am learning...

When it comes to memorabilia of my life, letters and journals, even cards and sweet notes, I am a pack rat. I am a memory whore. I have a ton of memories and I cling on to every single one of them. I take pride in my ability to remember dates and the significant events.

While packing I decided that I wanted to go through some of this history. I wanted to thoroughly go through it. I have laughed, cried, been puzzled by some things, shocked, and numb I keep intending to throw things out like, thank you notes from my wedding that never got sent. Or letters that my former husband and I wrote to each other, or even pictures. I even have thank you cards, like from someone named Abby who I apparently helped with her wedding but for the life of me I cannot remember who she is! (I guess my memory is not as good as I thought.) I keep thinking to myself, "why am I torturing myself and why do I hang on these things?"

I tried to dump them but all I could feel was that I was dumping a piece that explained my past. These things were so important to me at one point and it was something that shaped who I am today. Should I even feel compelled to be rid of it?

Here is what I learned from going through these letters and things from my childhood till a year before my marriage ended.

1. I had the most amazing friends and I wonder if I ever reciprocated or showed them how much they meant/mean to me. I hope that some of those letters of discouragement or asking me to give them a call or stop by that I responded to them. I have a feeling I did not and I apologize to every single one of them. It is like I got married and dropped off into my own little world.

2. I was quite the insightful little twerp at times. I wonder what happened to that.

3. I did indeed love my former husband and that is why I still cry when I read those letters and cards. We did indeed love and appreciate each other at one point. What changed all that? Well, I have my theories, but I do not regret being married. I did my best and I learned a lot which will help me when I get married again. I feel I have moved on, but yet, I cannot seem to let the evidence of that era go.

4. Love isn't enough. It is what you do with that love. I have had so many come and go into my life that I showed love too but it obviously wasn't enough. Sometime, somewhere I will be able to be with that person that is a combination of all those special relationships.

5. I am so determined not to ever have to loose a part of myself when finding someone to share this life with.

6. I loved to write. I was a writer. It makes me want to write again.

7. Wow, I predicted so many thing and there is  a test where I randomly wrote numbers down and some how that predicted my future which has come true, down to me being a single mother living on welfare. CRAZY! I should be careful what I say for now on. (I will win a million bucks someday!) 

There are more things, but I realized, I will not toss such important notes into the memory hole. Someday some of these things may come back to haunt me, som day some of these things will be forgotten why I even held on to them, some of these things will always bring tears to my eyes, or pains to my heart or a smile to my face but all in all, I love having every last tiny piece of paper or item. I will hold on to them dearly because I do not ever want to forget where I have been that lead me to now.