Here are the videos of my performance on Friday Sept. 9th 2011 at Forza Coffee Co. It was my first time ever performing at an open mic or anything the like. I loved it. I will be doing it again and I will write more songs. I felt so natural being behind the mic and on stage.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
My First Open Mic
About two months ago I was working on a project for my video
class. I chose to make a music video for one of my original songs. I thought
about writing a new one but then one day I brought my guitar to class and my
instructor happened to bring his guitar as well. I joked about it but he told
me to get mine and so I did. He then told me to play him an original song. I
awkwardly and embarrassingly started to play. Now at this point I was not
comfortable playing in front of people and would go quiet or extremely flat. I
have only sang solo very few times in my life, once in high school, once at
Grays Harbor College when I took voice lessons, at my Dad’s wedding and at my
brother’s wedding. I did okay in the high school but totally bombed college,
was super nervous for the weddings I think my voice cracked and I went flat. If
there were other times I don’t remember probably because I blocked them out.
However, I love to sing. I love to pull out my guitar and
create music. Every time I do I feel at peace with myself. When I was pregnant I
played my guitar to relax. However, I always wondered what was the point
writing this music if I was too scared to perform it for people. I did make a
CD with some songs I wrote awhile back but they are okay recordings and it was
great fun but I still wouldn’t say I was completely confident.
So here I was playing my song for my instructor and my two
classmates/friends. He tells me to play it again and so I do. I start playing
it and he jumps in with some amazing guitar riffs. Then my friend jumps in and
starts singing the harmony with me. And it was like that was the key that
opened the door. I loved it. I was walking on air. So it began. After finding
out that my instructor plays in a band with his significant other I was
flattered when he kept saying my song was really good. Then when I was playing
it and his partner was around she too said it was good I am not sure why that
gave me the confidence I needed but it was certainly the right keys.
I started to toy with the idea of performing at an open mic.
I set the date. September 9th. I had two songs already so I wanted a
third. I finished writing a third song. Before I felt like I could do it I
decided to start playing for my friends anytime we had a gathering. I was so
nervous but then it got easier and fun. When I went camping a guy that was
camping across from us played the guitar and he did open mics so he gave me
some pointers.I played for him and he said they were good. With all of this
positive feedback I figured if I was that horrible SOMEONE would say something
if I was that horrible.
Per suggestion I decided to go to the open mic at Forza
Coffee Company. My friend Mandi, who is also a singer/songwriter, wanted to do
it as well which totally helped me have the courage to do it. Since we arrived
early we were second and third on the list. I was third. I will forever be
grateful for Mandi going before me. I am not entirely sure I would have had the
same confidence if I didn’t see my friend do it first and survive!
It was so great that so many friends and family came to
support Mandi and I. The place was pretty low key and our posse took up half of
the space. When I got up there I wasn’t really all that nervous. I am not
entirely sure as too why but I guess I was confident in my ability. I was situated
in front of the mic and soon I was singing my first song. I did mess up on the first
set of chords but I didn’t let that slow me down or stop me. I soon was into it
and loving every minute.
I hate to brag but I will. I did amazing! I think it was the
best I ever performed. I don’t think. I know. I know because of the compliments
that I had received afterwards, not just from my posse but from others there,
which totally makes me feel great. One lady told me that I had a very beautiful voice. I am happy that I was able to perform well
so that everyone could enjoy it. I guess there even some teary eyes at one of
the songs. I still have a very long way to go to be a solid performer but I am
certainly not going to stop now that I realize how comfortable I am behind the
mic.
All I know is this new amazing feeling and that I am still
on a high. I just know that I am continually building my talent for music and I
am excited to see where I go with it. I have worked really hard since the 7th grade to get where I am at. When I was little I actually wrote that I hated to sing! My mom told me in 7th grade that if I was going to sing that I needed to sing correctly. So that is what I have been working on and now it is one of my ultimate passions. Especially after open mic night!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I Almost Have It All
The other day someone said to me that I look great. I felt like it was misrepresented at first but then when I stopped to think about it. I am great because I almost have it all.
I have to admit there for a while I was in a huge rut. Unmotivated, uninspired and unwilling. I think what catipaulted the change was moving into my own place. I remember the day before I was ready to explode and I felt like giving up on everything. Then the next day I found this little home and it's been a huge life changing blessing.
Since then I have done a ton of photography to increase my portfolio so that I can be able to promote myself to hopefully start making money. Also, I have written and started to play original songs for others and set a date to play at an open mic night.
I feel that because I now have sense of independence and increased responsibility I feel like I need to do more. Honestly, I almost have it all. I have my photography, my home, my school, my music and most importantly my daughter. I feel so blessed and in awe.
I guess I owe the man upstairs one rather large hug, and those who know me know I do not give them out lightly.
I have to admit there for a while I was in a huge rut. Unmotivated, uninspired and unwilling. I think what catipaulted the change was moving into my own place. I remember the day before I was ready to explode and I felt like giving up on everything. Then the next day I found this little home and it's been a huge life changing blessing.
Since then I have done a ton of photography to increase my portfolio so that I can be able to promote myself to hopefully start making money. Also, I have written and started to play original songs for others and set a date to play at an open mic night.
I feel that because I now have sense of independence and increased responsibility I feel like I need to do more. Honestly, I almost have it all. I have my photography, my home, my school, my music and most importantly my daughter. I feel so blessed and in awe.
I guess I owe the man upstairs one rather large hug, and those who know me know I do not give them out lightly.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Questions and Answers
Today was full of answers and yet more questions.
The other day Naomi wasn't feeling well and I got woken up to her throwing up every where. So scary to wake up hearing your baby choking on her own throw up. I don't even think my feet hit the floor when I jumped out of my bed. After going to the dr's that even which was supposed to just check her weight because she was gaining weight so slowly, it came to the conclusion she should go to the ER. After being in the ER for five hours it was only concluded that her potassium level was too high. Not understanding what that was I was sent on our way to see the dr again the next day. At the drs they poked her again to get more blood. She seems to be okay off and on. The blood results came back with more potassium. So they are going to do a different kind of blood test to see if it really is that high. Let's pray that is is not.
I am not sure what it all means but there is stomach bug going around. I am ever so closely monitoring her. I am sure she will be okay. It is just so sad to see something so small not feel well and not really know why. She can't say "Mommy, my tummy hurts." but she does the best she can to communicate when she cries or snuggles into me.
I also got an answer to something I have so desperately waited for. I cried but only because I no longer have this question over my head. What happens next I am not so sure. Only time will tell.
I am moving tomorrow, well mostly, and I am super excited. We have a life to build in our new home. It is just perfect. I have been blessed with some surprise income and I am working towards being able to make money doing portrait photography. I took pictures today of someone and they turned out pretty good.
The other day Naomi wasn't feeling well and I got woken up to her throwing up every where. So scary to wake up hearing your baby choking on her own throw up. I don't even think my feet hit the floor when I jumped out of my bed. After going to the dr's that even which was supposed to just check her weight because she was gaining weight so slowly, it came to the conclusion she should go to the ER. After being in the ER for five hours it was only concluded that her potassium level was too high. Not understanding what that was I was sent on our way to see the dr again the next day. At the drs they poked her again to get more blood. She seems to be okay off and on. The blood results came back with more potassium. So they are going to do a different kind of blood test to see if it really is that high. Let's pray that is is not.
I am not sure what it all means but there is stomach bug going around. I am ever so closely monitoring her. I am sure she will be okay. It is just so sad to see something so small not feel well and not really know why. She can't say "Mommy, my tummy hurts." but she does the best she can to communicate when she cries or snuggles into me.
I also got an answer to something I have so desperately waited for. I cried but only because I no longer have this question over my head. What happens next I am not so sure. Only time will tell.
I am moving tomorrow, well mostly, and I am super excited. We have a life to build in our new home. It is just perfect. I have been blessed with some surprise income and I am working towards being able to make money doing portrait photography. I took pictures today of someone and they turned out pretty good.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Taking a leap of faith
I felt that there needed to be a change in my life and I've been changing a lot of things from relationships I am involved in to living situations. After having my daughter all I worry about is what I am doing is not only going to be good for me but will it mostly be good for her.
There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.
Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.
I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.
Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.
We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .
I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.
Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.
There was a relationship I was getting involved and although it wasn't or would not be a bad thing it was not the right thing. I still maintain a relationship with this person but it is nothing more than a great friendship which I am totally okay with. You never know what the future has in store but I am grateful to be friends with this person. I had a pretty intense dream that partially triggered this establishing what relationships I want and do not want.
Then there is where I live. I currently live with three great people but it has never felt like home here. Especially since my daughter was born. I feel like that was a part of my depression. It was not necessarily anything they did or did not do exactly but I just felt like I wanted a different situation for my daughter and I. However, I felt trapped and that there was no where else for us to go . I am sure that caused some frustration and sadness as well. I feel the time is approaching where I will be completely out of money. My plan to sell art work did not entirely go and that adds to the pressures.
I have been feeling completely at a loss for what to do. I had a hard time visualizing the future and it in turn made doing anything, even school work like a major challenge. All I felt was, "what is the point?" I even almost gave up all that I worked so hard to stay on the right path and go back to where I was before I got pregnant. I thought about dropping school.
Upon perusing craigslist.org I came across a little mobile home slightly out of my price range but something triggered a spark of hope so I went and checked it out with my best friend. (I am so glad she was transferred here!) I mean, what would it hurt to check it out? The second we pulled up to this little mobile home I felt like that was it. That was the place to establish a home for my daughter and I.
We walked in and it was perfect. The size is perfect, the layout is perfect and the property it sits on is perfect. Knowing that it is slightly out of my price range all I know was I needed to take that leap of faith. I need to provide a good home for my daughter and I know that is the place to do it. It is a 600sqft mobile home on a lovely elderly couples property surrounded by grassy fields and trees. The kitchen is open to the living room, there is a tiny room for Naomi and a bigger room for my computer and art stuff. A bathroom with a stackable washer and dryer. It is next to my best friend and down the road from my brother and his wife. A short distance from the church as well. It is clean and well-maintained. It has a deck, a picnic table and a good sized storage shed. I felt like home when I walked in and already wanted to move .
I know going slightly out of my price range is going to be a huge leap of faith. My next task is to find a good job that I can do while taking care of Naomi and go to school. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life to help me out. I know the Lord will provide a way. I mean, look at all the saints that traveled to Utah and established a home there without having nothing. There are sacrifices I will make, like having internet, but I know it will be worth it. Those who know me know how much I utilize the internet too.
Now moving and establishing my own home has made me excited and is motivating me to do more. I feel like I am getting out the rut I was in and hopefully I did not mess up too much while being in this rut. I am now excited about the future rather than being worried. I will continue to worry do not get me wrong, but I feel like I can tackle ideas and get it going. I have something to work for and that is too keep my home for my daughter.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Quick Update...
Wow. What a crazy couple of weeks. I haven't written much on here or posted any pictures lately because I have been so crazy busy. I thought I would make a quick update.
Good news is that Naomi is starting to finally get bigger! Yay. She finally hit 10lbs! I can't believe she is already two months old. She is doing good with the formula. I still feel sad I had to stop but I still feel like it was the right choice. She is an amazing little baby. So very relaxed most of the time. She does get bored fairly easily and right now she is in "I want my mommy" phase! She loves when guys hold her but not so much a female. It is strange. She is definitely a momma's girl. Can't say I didn't plan for that. Ha! She is also extremely talkative. I am teaching her to say "hi grandma." I think we got the hi part down. She loves to watch TV and the mobile over her bed. Haha. That is so my little girl!
I'm almost done with this school semester. I can't wait. I am not sure I've passed my classes but we shall see. I did what I could do and that was the best for me. (Hence me ignoring this blog.) I am sure it will all work out in the end. I have been also trying to get back into shape. I dislike not being where I was at before pregnancy so I am trying to get back and then some. Right now I am size 18/16 at 269lbs. I can definitely loose that and get back into shape! Every day I push my self and the more jogging I get to do the better I will get.
I am not sure what the future has in store. I am just trying to figure out right now. I am hoping the routes I am going are the right ones and that it can help me out. I need daycare, I need a job to get daycare, I need daycare to get a job. Yeah. Confusing. I still have bouts of sadness and anxiety about things but the one thing I am trying to have is faith. Faith that it will all work out. I did give Naomi the middle name Faith because it reminds me that I had faith she would come and now I have to have faith that everything will be okay. God is on my side I just know it.
Good news is that Naomi is starting to finally get bigger! Yay. She finally hit 10lbs! I can't believe she is already two months old. She is doing good with the formula. I still feel sad I had to stop but I still feel like it was the right choice. She is an amazing little baby. So very relaxed most of the time. She does get bored fairly easily and right now she is in "I want my mommy" phase! She loves when guys hold her but not so much a female. It is strange. She is definitely a momma's girl. Can't say I didn't plan for that. Ha! She is also extremely talkative. I am teaching her to say "hi grandma." I think we got the hi part down. She loves to watch TV and the mobile over her bed. Haha. That is so my little girl!
I'm almost done with this school semester. I can't wait. I am not sure I've passed my classes but we shall see. I did what I could do and that was the best for me. (Hence me ignoring this blog.) I am sure it will all work out in the end. I have been also trying to get back into shape. I dislike not being where I was at before pregnancy so I am trying to get back and then some. Right now I am size 18/16 at 269lbs. I can definitely loose that and get back into shape! Every day I push my self and the more jogging I get to do the better I will get.
I am not sure what the future has in store. I am just trying to figure out right now. I am hoping the routes I am going are the right ones and that it can help me out. I need daycare, I need a job to get daycare, I need daycare to get a job. Yeah. Confusing. I still have bouts of sadness and anxiety about things but the one thing I am trying to have is faith. Faith that it will all work out. I did give Naomi the middle name Faith because it reminds me that I had faith she would come and now I have to have faith that everything will be okay. God is on my side I just know it.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Oh yeah, I have a blog.
Well, I feel bad. I have not written on here in almost a month. So many good things have happened this month and it has been extremely busy!
Bad things first... I am afraid to say that I am switching to formula. I have attempted to breastfeed but after my trip to Utah it has come to my realization that I just don't give her enough. She is still very small and the WIC lady made me feel almost extra sad by the fact that she is only 8lbs 13oz at two months old. Apparently that is lower than the 25 percentile with her height which is almost 22". I have tried to stick with it but when it comes to feeding her she never seems satisfied and is extremely fussy. It has been a challenge to do it with my hectic lifestyle with school and other activities. I feel good about the decision if that means she will start gaining weight instead of loosing it.
On to the good things. On July 10th she had her Baby Blessing which her Grandpa Lockwood was able to do. She cried the entire time! Of course! It frazzled Grandpa a little but he still gave a great blessing and talked about her name being named after Naomi from the bible. Her name was inspired by God and so I hope she does remember that all her life. She is definitely a very special spirit. My brother and his family came. It was wonderful to see them! I love them all so very much and wish they lived closer to see them more often. Afterwards we had a bbq at my other brother's house. And some friends also showed. It was great to have to much love there for my little girl.
We took a trip down to Utah. I should write a whole blog about that! I missed some classes to go luckily I made up time so that I could do that. It was great! Absolutely wonderful that I got to see my family. I miss my Grandma so so very much and to see her turn 80 was a truly a blessing. I am thrilled that she got to meet her great granddaughter. I also got to meet my nieces some for the first time! Such wonderful beautiful girls. I almost want to move to Texas just so I can be there for them. I absolutely adore them all! In fact, we should all just move to one location to all be together. It was great to meet my new sister-in-law and see my brother. My trip went fairly easy with Naomi. My parents were happy I am sure that they got sleep at night because she sleeps for so many hours at a time. (Speaking of, I think I should wake her and feed her and let her play so I can get some sleep tonight.) My Grandma's birthday party was amazing from, the bagpipe player to all of her quilts and family being there. Truly wonderful party to celebrate such a wonderful woman.
Speaking of my Grandma. I think I should dedicate a whole blog to her. I am reading her life story right now what she wrote and just after reading the introduction I got teary eyed. I am anxious to read the rest of her story. I am truly grateful to have such an amazing humble woman for my Grandma. I admire her on so many deep levels. She is so very special to me. I am so thankful she took the time to write out her life story. I am grateful I keep journals and this blog that I too may someday write my story for my children.
This last month I have been thinking of needing to do some major overhaul. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is going to be a challenge but I think it will be the right choices in the long run. I had a dream that Joseph Smith, the prophet that restored the gospel in the latter days, came to me teaching me about the Gospel and it occurred three times. First time I barely listened, the third time I partially listened and then the third time I fully listened. Each time he said to me over and over again "it is important that you know this." It was a simple dream in the end.
Since those dreams I have felt restless. I have begun reading the Book of Mormon to start. I believed so much in it before I must know that it is true and to have a dream like that must be something I need to do. I hope I can make the right decisions and best decisions for me and my daughter.
Obviously it is important.
Bad things first... I am afraid to say that I am switching to formula. I have attempted to breastfeed but after my trip to Utah it has come to my realization that I just don't give her enough. She is still very small and the WIC lady made me feel almost extra sad by the fact that she is only 8lbs 13oz at two months old. Apparently that is lower than the 25 percentile with her height which is almost 22". I have tried to stick with it but when it comes to feeding her she never seems satisfied and is extremely fussy. It has been a challenge to do it with my hectic lifestyle with school and other activities. I feel good about the decision if that means she will start gaining weight instead of loosing it.
On to the good things. On July 10th she had her Baby Blessing which her Grandpa Lockwood was able to do. She cried the entire time! Of course! It frazzled Grandpa a little but he still gave a great blessing and talked about her name being named after Naomi from the bible. Her name was inspired by God and so I hope she does remember that all her life. She is definitely a very special spirit. My brother and his family came. It was wonderful to see them! I love them all so very much and wish they lived closer to see them more often. Afterwards we had a bbq at my other brother's house. And some friends also showed. It was great to have to much love there for my little girl.
We took a trip down to Utah. I should write a whole blog about that! I missed some classes to go luckily I made up time so that I could do that. It was great! Absolutely wonderful that I got to see my family. I miss my Grandma so so very much and to see her turn 80 was a truly a blessing. I am thrilled that she got to meet her great granddaughter. I also got to meet my nieces some for the first time! Such wonderful beautiful girls. I almost want to move to Texas just so I can be there for them. I absolutely adore them all! In fact, we should all just move to one location to all be together. It was great to meet my new sister-in-law and see my brother. My trip went fairly easy with Naomi. My parents were happy I am sure that they got sleep at night because she sleeps for so many hours at a time. (Speaking of, I think I should wake her and feed her and let her play so I can get some sleep tonight.) My Grandma's birthday party was amazing from, the bagpipe player to all of her quilts and family being there. Truly wonderful party to celebrate such a wonderful woman.
Speaking of my Grandma. I think I should dedicate a whole blog to her. I am reading her life story right now what she wrote and just after reading the introduction I got teary eyed. I am anxious to read the rest of her story. I am truly grateful to have such an amazing humble woman for my Grandma. I admire her on so many deep levels. She is so very special to me. I am so thankful she took the time to write out her life story. I am grateful I keep journals and this blog that I too may someday write my story for my children.
This last month I have been thinking of needing to do some major overhaul. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is going to be a challenge but I think it will be the right choices in the long run. I had a dream that Joseph Smith, the prophet that restored the gospel in the latter days, came to me teaching me about the Gospel and it occurred three times. First time I barely listened, the third time I partially listened and then the third time I fully listened. Each time he said to me over and over again "it is important that you know this." It was a simple dream in the end.
Since those dreams I have felt restless. I have begun reading the Book of Mormon to start. I believed so much in it before I must know that it is true and to have a dream like that must be something I need to do. I hope I can make the right decisions and best decisions for me and my daughter.
Obviously it is important.
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